** Lesson in Lying

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."

The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

** Here is the LOST CHAPTER IN GENESIS....
Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him,
"What is wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said,
"This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The rest is history..
* by Cheryl D Palmer

** "Thou shall not kill."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

*** Kid funnies
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the little girl replied, "They will in a minute."

** Praise The Lord... Amen
A man was hiking through a forest and was becoming very tired. Then he stumbled upon a farm that had plenty of horses. He asked the farmer if he could borrow one.
"Well son, "the farmer said, "i can only lend you one because all the others are working. But it is a special horse. If you want to make it go, say "Praise the Lord", and if you want it to stop, say "amen".
Now the man climbed on and shouted "Praise the Lord". The horse ambled along, it picked up speed after a time and didn't stop. By this time, the man could not remember what to say to make it stop. He saw a cliff right in front of him. Then he started to pray of course at the end, he said amen. He horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff.
The man breathed a sigh of relief and shouted "Praise the Lord..... "
Sent by Gem

** Why is it necessary to be quiet in Church?
A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to Church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in Church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

** "PPPPOOOTTAAATTOO"
A blonde,Brunette, and a red head were all running from the police. They ran into a back alley and dived into potatoe bags. When the police turned the corner they kicked the first bag and the brunette said "MEOW". So the police thought it was a cat and went to the second bag and kicked it. The red head said "bark, Bark". So the police thought it was a dog so they went to the next bag. When they kicked this bag the blonde says "PPPPOOOTTAAATTOO"

** My own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"


** No baby-sitter for Jesus
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

** Reverend Billy Graham
Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven."

The boy replied, "I don't think I'll be there... You don't even know your way to the post office."

More jokes next week: 17th September, 2006.

• I believe God can help me. Please pray with me.