After a new appointment and fat pay packet, what should be a blessing is becoming a curse for me.

Mine is a long story, but I will be brief. God promoted me by getting a new job in a telecom company in August 2008. My husband works at a bank, same bank i worked before i left.
The day i was engaged and was told my total package, i believe i made a mistake to have told my husband because since then, I began to see a new husband.
Now, my husband suffers from inferiority complex. I was given a car option at office to chose from and i picked jeep. Earlier, i used Camry and my husband has two cars, one official and one person: a toyota and Sienna.
Now, because I use jeep, my husband is very uncomfortable. Now that he knows my package, if we are to buy anything at home, he would say, he has no money, after all I know how poor his salary is. Pastor, this is the same salary we were spending and we were happy before i got the new job. Now, my husband is always complaining about his poor salary. He has almost stopped picking his responsibilities at home. Tell him to buy, he would say his salary is poor. And when i buy or pay, he asks me in a fit of temper why did i buy anything in this house without telling him? and that I should remember he is still the head of this house. He has never used this language until the new appointment.
I have tried to speak with him that he should see my promotion and our promotion. That we should thank God for it rather than allow God to take it away from us in anger. I told him we can now start building our house on a plot we bought two years ago that we could not develop, and everything should be done in his name. All these to bring peace and confidence in him. At a stage, i asked him to get me another job and i will i resign my new appointment immediately. All these entreaties fall on deaf hear. He keeps saying he is comfortable and happy about everything. He would say i should not give him a bad name and should not paint him as a jealous. But he acts otherwise.
Anytime I see something good in a shop and i desire to have it at home, i will tell him first and he always gave the go ahead. Whenever i refused that we should go together and i handover the cash to him, he would give one excuse or the other. And i good faith, i would go to he shops with my three children and bought.
Gradually, I bought a plasma Tv, Home theatre, changed the kitchen, bought a deep freezer and complete cooker, barbing clippers for him and the three boys, changed the chair to leather seats, bought him 5 new suits, shoes and undies, etc. I bought everything in his name, I mean his name is on all the receipts. And i hand over the receipts to him.
One day, he 'jokingly' said i have taken over the reigns of the home. He said it as if he was playing. But I was wiser. The following day, i removed all i bought and took them to my mums home at Abeokuta and returned all the old ones to their positions. Was this a wise decision? Do you know my husband did not say a word.
Sometimes when he wants to sleep with me, he would say "Dear Madam, can i sleep with you today ma?" If i ask him why is he speaking like that, he would say he was only joking. But I know better.
I am so afraid of what is happening in my marriage now. I spoke to a pastor friend and she said that is how men behave. They always want to be on top. Another pastor said I should suggest a joint account with him, so that he controls everything. How can i handle this situation? My home is surreptitiously getting of hand. Help me please. After a new appointment and fat pay packet, what should be a blessing is becoming a curse for me.

Uduak E,
Port Harcourt.

Response from Pastor Deola Ojo.

With time and a huge dose of wisdom on your part, your husband will probably come round.
I think the first mistake you made, was not that you told him about your pay cheque, but that you chose a jeep and you probably did not consult him before you made this choice.
Another lady who had an opportunity to get an official car when her husband barely had a car, decided to ask him for his advice and by involving him he felt on top of things and therefore he was able to take her success as their combined success. Most men desire to have a jeep sometime in their lives, he might have found it a little daunting that you were the first to get a jeep and unfortunately he cannot even call it ‘our car' because it is an official car. I know women who earn more their husbands some years back but the story has changed.
The interesting thing is that these men had a good attitude, they decided to work hard, sow a lot of seeds, and trust God and today their story has changed. You may not even believe that there was a time their wives earned more than them. I also think you should give your husband time to adjust to your new status, most people come round if they are given enough time to adjust. You did not mention anything about your own attitude since you got the new job, but you may be surprised to learn that you have changed. If you have a friend who is very close to you and can be quite frank or blunt, ask for her opinion about your disposition since you got the new job.
The truth is that a new status makes even the meekest of us a little heady initially, but how long that lasts for can have a lasting impact on our relationships.
I am not sure you should have a joint account at this point, or that you should give all your salary to your husband. Even if you decide that you want to have a joint account I suggest that it should be based on a percentage of both your incomes, in which case you may decide to put 50% of each person's salary in this joint account and buy things that you have both agreed on from this account. If you decide to adopt this option, please make sure that you do not disagree when he suggests that you should buy something from this account, otherwise he will say it is because yours is the lion share and you may be back to square one.
Finally pray that your husband will get a better paying job, (is there an opening in your company?) Smile.