My life is losing worth by the minute

Dear editor

I am a Zimbabwean living in South Africa. I have been experiencing a multitude of problems for years now: addiction to sexual material, violent thoughts, frequent wet dreams, and I tend to lie unnecessarily. What hurts me most is that for a while I turned to prayer but I couldn't see changes.

Then again I am impatient especially if I do things by myself, I will lose interest in anything no matter what it is. It will seem senseless even when I pray. I know that prayer is the only way but it seems something or someone has control over my life and pull me away from what is meant to be mine.

At my age, I should be settling down  and perhaps prepare myself for marriage but not even my finances get me anywhere or anything for myself to be happy. The bottom line is that I am miserable and I am tired of living, every day I wish I could get killed and quickly end all the sadness!
Please help !
Yours sincerely
Leroy Senderayi


Pastor Deola Speaks

Nothing is worth killing yourself over. No matter what is happening in your life right now, God can turn it around.
I think you will benefit immensely from setting small achievable goals that will enable you to change your life. There is no mountain that cannot be conquered. If you cannot take a major leap, by taking one step at a time, you can reach the top of mount Everest. Sometimes by trying to make one major decision we fail to make small decisions that will ultimately take us to our destination.
Start by setting goals that you can definitely achieve and when you achieve these you will have the confidence to gradually add some more challenging things. Since you can be a bit impatient with yourself it is important not to rush into setting huge goals even when you have started achieving most of your goals, because a major set back can spiral downwards and make you feel that you have not done anything. Look at things on the brighter side, maybe your finances are not much, but you have some finances, some people have nothing.
There is the story of a man who got so tired of being poor that he decided to hang himself, he got to the bush and climbed a tree, but he had to remove his slippers to climb the tree, while he was up on the tree tying the rope, a poor man came along who had on just a loin cloth, he saw the slippers and looked up to see the man trying to tie the rope, “What are you doing?” he asked him and the man on the tree told him “I am about to commit suicide.” “Why do you want to kill yourself?” the man asked. “Because I am tired of being poor, I don't have a house, don't have a donkey, and cannot even afford to marry a wife. I am going to kill myself.” The man shook his head and asked “since you are going to die, may I have your slippers?”. When he gave his consent, the poorer man knelt down and thanked God for giving him a pair of slippers after many years of walking barefoot. And went on his way rejoicing. The man on the tree had a rethink. If someone can be so thankful for getting my old worn out slippers, maybe I am more fortunate than I thought. Needless to say he came down from the tree a happier man.
Do not give up, things will get better. Look for a strong Christian who can disciple you and help you to become a strong Christian.