Temptations not to be a Christian in helping my friend solve his problems with his wife.

I have known both of them even before they got married in Kano in 1992. She was working with a private airline where she made so much money. But my friend is an artist. Now, we all know that in a country like ours, such trade don't sell and fine artists don't make much money. Because of this, his wife talks to him anyhow, even in public. This habit has happened severally that often we friends have walked away, leaving both husband and wife to solve their problems. We could not stomach the wife's insults on her husband.
Of course, we all know that the wife is like that because she makes money and she finances the home. She has been traveling abroad on holidays long before they got married. After their wedding, we heard tales of her past lives, spinsterhood days, in Kaduna. She drinks, spend lavishly and have gone with different men.
Now, after marriage, the wedding is a hell. Several times my friend had come to meet me in Bauchi, stay for days and when i think he has gone back home, I found out much later that he has gone to another friend in Gombe where he could stay for weeks, all to escape the troubles of his wife.
Recently, in the January, the wife travelled to the US and our friend found out that his wife now dates other men. It was a rude shock to us friends but we expected something like that.
As a man, i cannot stomach infidelity from a woman. If my wife does that, she is gone. But our friend could not take a firm action against his wife. We all know that he could not because she finances the home and even built the house they stay in Kano. Our friend is gifted but the economy is bad for him. He bombards us daily with tales of woes with his wife.
My reaction to this is that he should leave the house, after all he did not build it. He should go for even a room in Fage area or No Mans Land, and ask her to join him there. The house she built could be rented out. If she says no, then we know who is causing division. If he is paying the rent, he could have a measure of control on his wife. But I am a Christian. Is this a goldy solution?
On his job, we friends could not do much because our friend has only OND from Ramat Poly. But if you see him you think he has Phd. In a world where first degree is no more competitive, who wants to hire OND? Now he is parading some Celestial churches here in Kano. And we know what some white garment churches do. Though I dont go to such churches, but I could not object to his going there because he needs a solution to his troubles.
May God give you the wisdom to understand the pains of men who have lost control of their wives all because they have no money to control their tongues.
Thank you for this opportunity.
Mark Shehu, Bauchi.

Pastor Deola Speaks

It is so easy to take sides when a couple are having problems, but you must avoid this. Sometimes with or without your help, they find a way to solve their problems and they start regarding you as the enemy that almost destroyed their union, I am sure you do not want that label.

The bible says, blessed are the peacemakers, because they will be called children of God. We must never encourage born again Christians to divorce. We must always seek for a solution to their marital problems. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Now I understand your love for your friend and it is so easy for you to view things in a one sided manner, but believe me , your friend is not perfect and he will have his own faults.

For one I cannot understand why he does not have a job, you claim he is really gifted, he can approach private schools to teach art, he can also approach parents to give private coaching to their children. He can also design handbills and publicity materials for organizations.

There are limitless possibilities of what he can do with his immense talent. I do not believe that a woman has a right to disrespect her husband just because she is richer than he is. There are some unwise women who do this and even go to the point of divorcing their spouse not realizing that God has a plan for that man, the man's financial status changes significantly and they find themselves the loser.

I encourage you to advice your friend to find a good church where morals are preached often from the pulpit and where the pastor can counsel them, pray with them and walk with them until there is a solution to their problem. Please pray for your friend, encourage him and help him look for a decent job.