My husband asks for anal sex, wants me to suck him after 16 years of marriage!

This matter is baffling me. I have been looking for someone to speak to. I was glad when i saw this online counselling website.

We have been married for over 16 years. My husband is just a year older than me. Three months ago, while making love, he suddenly moved to my back and before i knew it, he was trying to insert his penis into my anus. At first, I thought he lost his way and i helped him to locate the place but he said no, no. and he moved to my anus again. I was shocked when he tried to force himself in. I stopped him, and faced him. What is this you are doing?

This is the begining of our long conversation and my discovery that not only did he wants to put it in my anus, but also wants me to suck him. For five days, i refused him. When i realised that he was serious in his demand, and my refusal was making him angry, i allowed him to my anus. But I told him to perish the thought of me having his penis in my mouth. My mouth is to sing praises to God, not to replace my virgina.

He said he has a right to everywhere in me since he was married to me. I then asked him where did he keep the right since over 16 years of our marraige? Why is he asking for such indulgences in my advanced age (46), an age that i am concentrating on worshipping God and praying for my children. It baffled me ma.

Not this alone, I am now suspecting my husband is having some funny relationships outside where they are introducing him to all these. He has not asked for such thing since we got married. Why is it now that i was just made a deaconess in our Church? Who introduced this to him? I don't want to suspect my husband but I am suspecting him? I have been quiet ever since. I could not concentrate on prayers again. And i know we have a peace of the graveyard. What do you advice me to do? Co-operate with him (Ha!) or refuse him. This is baffling o.

Deaconess IJD.
Lagos Nigeria.

Pastor Deola Speaks

Your challenge is one faced by many women all over the world. Since the advent of the internet, it seems all hell has broken loose. I know you wonder where your husband got all these ideas from, it is most probably the internet.
Human beings have a natural desire to repeat whatever they see that seems to be beneficial, this is why advertisements work, if your husband has been going to sites showing different sexual patterns and the enjoyment derived from such patterns, after a while he will start desiring to try it. What these sites will not tell him is the inherent health risks and spiritual hazards attached to these practices.
For instance many people do not know that there is a virus called the ‘Human papillomavirus' or HPV that can be transmitted through oral sex and lead to cancer. Studies have also shown that some cancers are actually sex related, including anal sex.
The body of Christ needs to visit these issues. While we do not want to tell people what they should or should not do in their bedroom, there are some general rules we can set. The first is that no sexual act should be physically harmful to either party and the second is that anything that violates either partner's conscience must be avoided. I believe that if we stay within these general boundaries, we will be safe. I personally feel that we have to draw the line somewhere. Each couple has to draw their own line.
If abstaining from sex during fasting must be by consent, then both partners have a say in what happens in their sex life. I do not think it is right for one partner to insist on a sexual act that hurts his or her partner physically or spiritually. Obviously this situation is affecting your spiritual walk with God and it therefore becomes imperative that you quickly find a solution to this. Please have a discussion with your husband at a time when he does not want to have sex, and let him air his own views as well. I also encourage you to check the readers digest article on throat cancer and also have your husband read it, I believe he loves you enough not to want you to do anything that will endanger your life.