3) "We never wanted you anyway."
“I wish I never had you,” “If I had it to do over again, I would never have children,” and “We never wanted you, anyway” are inexcusable pieces of Parent Talk. Regardless of what the child has done and no matter what his tone of voice, these parental responses are totally inappropriate. This language should serve as a signal that something is more than amiss in your child/parent relationship. Use it as a catalyst to get some help. Turn to a counselor, clergy member or school authority. Do it now. You and your children are worth it.

4.) “You're the reason we're getting a divorce.”
No child is ever the reason his or her parents are getting a divorce. And no child should be expected to carry that emotional burden. Even when we explain carefully and lovingly to a child that she is in no way responsible for our decision to separate or divorce, she holds fantasies that she is somehow responsible. “If I had only been different,” she thinks, “my parents would still be together.” “If I had just been better, they wouldn't have fought so much” is a common, if unspoken, belief that children often hold.

5.) “Why can't you be more like your brother (sister)?”
When parents verbally compare siblings someone is shown to be deficient. They send messages to the child that he is not smart enough, good enough, fast enough, or thorough enough. “You're not good enough” messages internalize as core beliefs and contribute to undesirable behavior in the future.

No child is ever the reason his or her parents are getting a divorce. And no child should be expected to carry that emotional burden.

Comparisons increase sibling rivalry, intensifying the natural rivalry which already exists and create more hassles for the parents. Comparisons also damage the relationship between siblings by fostering feelings of separateness.

Accept each child in your family for the unique person he or she is. Each has personal strengths, capabilities, and needs. Help your children see the beauty of their own uniqueness by focusing on each individual without using comparisons.

6.) “Here, let me do that for you.”
If “Here, let me do that,” “Let me handle that,” and “I'll do it this time” are a regular part of your Parent Talk, you could be contributing to learned helplessness in your children. Taking over and doing things for a child that she could do for herself disempowers her. It encourages her to view herself as incapable.

Taking over and doing may save some time in the present, but you make more work for yourself in the long run. If you do something for your child once, no problem. If you do something twice, you've created a pattern. If you do something for your child a third time, congratulations; you now have a new job.

7.) “Because I said so, that's why.”
The words are, “Because I said so, that's why!” but the silent message is: “I'm big and you're little. I'm smart and you're dumb. I have power and you don't. My job is to tell; your job is to obey.”

This style of Parent Talk breeds resentment and creates power struggles. Instead try using Parent Talk that communicates respect while you tell the child directly your feelings and desires. “It's frustrating for me, John, when you continue to ask, ‘Why?' As the parent here, I make some of the decisions. This is one of those times when I'm making the decision. I won't be changing my mind on this one.”

Language is the primary delivery system for the emotional abuse of children. Eliminate abusive Parent Talk by monitoring your manner of speaking. If you become conscious of using one or more of the seven worst things to say to a child, or other abusive language, stop. Take a deep breath. Go for a walk. Take a hot bath. Give yourself and your child time to cool off and regain perspective. Then begin again, remembering that words can empower or words can wound.

© Chick Moorman, is the author of "Parent Talk: How To Talk To Your Child In Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility," and "Spirit Whisperers: Teachers Who Nourish A Child's Spirit."