Mrs Tinu Olufowobi, a teacher and wife of Pastor Diran Olufowobi of a CAC parish in Lagos takes a look at relationships and gives four principles that could guarrantee wonderful and long-lasting relationship.

Relationships that could have been very fulfilling and of mutual benefits to those involved have often ended up in feud, acrimony and broken, leaving those involved devastated and disoriented.

Many that could have lived healthy, fulfilling and successful lives are often left frustrated and badly hurting from such needless broken relationships. Building healthy and long-lasting relationships with your spouse, friends, neighbors, co-workers, employers, etc is usually about observing time-tested principles. Some of these principles, which many have neglected to their own perils include:

SELFLESSNESS:
Very often, we are all concerned with getting the best rather than giving our best in relationships, always forgetting the injunction that “It is more blessed to give than to receive”. Time and events have always proven that it is in giving our best to others that we receive the best.

It is as we take cognizance of the interest of others that we derive fulfillment of our own interests and long-lasting peace in our relationships. Put others first and it will surprise you how issues concerning you will start to get more attention from them.

FAITHFULNESS:
This is about trust, which is the cornerstone in an enduring relationship. Many are quick to swear oaths of loyalty and faithfulness, which they find easy to betray even at the slightest enticement, subscribing to the unwritten modern pledge of “Till something better comes along, for as long as I feel like, as long as we both shall love”. Faithfulness is often the precursor of fruitfulness. Learn to keep faith therefore to enjoy fruitful and enduring relationships.

Healthy relationships like any enduring edifice, needs painstaking patience to build. Don't expect instant results. You have to work hard on your relationship. Leave room for adjustment and change.

PREPARATION:
Trials are inevitable in relationships. They come in varied forms such as financial hardships, health struggles, communication problems, sexual problems, interfering external bodies, unwholesome and unexpected conduct from our partners etc.

Troubles like these put a lot of strain and often wreck a lot of havoc on relationships when they take us unawares and unprepared. Never assume that relationships are uncomplicated and problems free. You must prepare for them if you want to survive when it comes. These trials are expected to make the relationships stronger and sure-footed if prepared for and properly responded to.

PATIENCE:
Healthy relationships like any enduring edifice, needs painstaking patience to build. Don't expect instant results. You have to work hard on your relationship. Leave room for adjustment and change. Change, especially character change takes a lot of time. Relationship is like a flame, deny it of oxygen and it goes out. Think of time and effort as the oxygen of your relationship. Cut off the supply and watch the relationship shrivels and eventually snuffed out.

These four principles though may look difficult to apply are guaranteed to give you a fruitful, wonderful and enduring relationship if consistently adhered to. Above all, always put God in the picture in all your relationships and put your trust and confidence in His ability to work through you to strengthen your relationships.

GETTING IT RIGHT
To the surprise of her brothers and sisters, Foluke walked in visibly angry. She entered her room and banged the door after her. Inside the room she sat on her bed and wept profusely. “Why can't I keep a boyfriend for a long period?” she wondered.

She has just broken another relationship with Austin , the third within two years, while most of her friends have been enjoying steady dates of over three years. “What could be wrong with me?” She lamented. Thoughts kept pouring into her mind like water just released from a dam. “Will I ever get married?” If I do, “Will I be able to keep it?” “Do I know what it takes to keep a man?” she queried. Feeling overwhelmed by these thoughts she cried out “God help me, show me what is wrong with my life”. Hearing her loud sobbing, her brother and close confidant Kunle pleaded with her to let him in.

Foluke opened the door and narrated her ordeal to him. “Is that all? The situation is not out of control,” replied Kunle. He reminded her of the fact that he and his friends find her amiable and enjoy her company. He further explained to her that life is all about relationships.

Do you share the same values and beliefs with your intended partner? Are you the only one interested in the relationship while your partner seems disinterested?

He said, “Relationships form the core of our existence and can either make or break us”. He encouraged Foluke to learn how to get it right from the very beginning. Kunle gave Foluke a pat on the back and saluted her courage for breaking these relationships. They were broken because Foluke refused to become sexually intimate with her partners. “You are worth being in a relationship with someone who will love you enough to protect you, your purity and be concerned about your feelings” Kunle explained gently to her. He also advised her to discuss values and beliefs extensively with her potential before entering into a relationship with him.

He informed her “two people can never walk together except they agree”. “This is the foundation of a good, enduring an satisfying relationship,” Kunle said. Foluke was greatly consoled at the end of this discussion. “I will never go into any relationship again without building this foundation” she promised.

Are you in a relationship right now or about to start one? What are those things that bring you together? Do you share the same values and beliefs with your intended partner? Are you the only one interested in the relationship while your partner seems disinterested? Does your partner respect your interests and views? Answers to these and many other questions you need to ask yourself, are very fundamental to getting it right in building satisfying relationships.