1. Are you happy in your marriage?

2. What was the reason why you married your spouse?

You will be amazed at some of the answers I got. The summary of it is that more than 80% of folks are not really happy in their marriage. For some it’s a marriage of endurance. It’s kind of hard for me to reconcile because I grew up in a home where the marriage worked, not just worked but rocked. My parents had the best marriage I have seen so far. You could never see them fight, quarrel or whatever word you want to use.

It was so uncanny that one day I was forced to ask my mother what was their secret. I kind of grew up expecting marriage to be like that, but boy am I mistaken. I know somebody will say that’s the old generation, yes I agree, but I know that in this our generation it’s possible. But all around are folks that are complaining about their marriage. This then brings us to the question: did these folks marry the right partners?

Being pretty or handsome with the right statistics is a plus. Even though men are wising up on that but some folks have married their partner solely because she is of the beauty pageant category.

The major thing that struck me is the various reasons why these couples got married. In Africa and maybe in some other parts of the world, people get married for different reasons, but I have been able to identify these:

1. family/educational background. You will agree with me that a president’s son who is also a medical Doctor is unlikely to have any woman say no to him. In that same light, the daughter of a renowned millionaire who is a managing director of her own company is gonna have men falling all over themselves to marry her even if she is as ugly as anything or has the worst of character

2. Physical looks. Being pretty or handsome with the right statistics is a plus. Even though men are wising up on that but some folks have married their partner solely because she is of the beauty pageant category.

3. This might sound funny, but living abroad can get you a wife with a snap of the finger. Most of these marriages are arranged. But for some reason I can’t understand, especially in Nigeria, ladies are crazy about men that live abroad. But it’s all a smoke screen. I should know. In the face of the reality of coming to America or London or wherever, it’s not as good as it sounds, and most of those marriages are at best rocky. Not to say that some of them did not work. All I am saying is all that glitter are not gold.

4. Family/peer pressure due to age. This especially affects the women. When you getting close to 30 and God help you over it, people start looking at you funny. Parents and married friends start pushing; pastors start including you in the sermon and begin to call special prayer request for you. Most ladies that can’t take the pressure say yes to the next guy that comes their way. I have a friend as a living example. She complained so much about her husband that I was forced to ask her why she got married to him in the first place, well you can take a guess at the answer I got.

The last but the greatest is love. I am glad to say that there are some couples out there that are getting married for good old love’s sake.

5. Money. Yes money. It favors both men and women. Before, it was not in good taste for a woman to have her own money but this has changed. Most guys will choose a rich lady over a poor one. No one wants all that responsibility. Of course a rich guy is most likely to have all the women say yes when he proposes, after all, “money answereth all things.”

6. The last but the greatest is love. I am glad to say that there are some couples out there that are getting married for good old love’s sake.

Now, none of these reasons on its own is a bad reason. But some should take precedence. God said it’s not good for a man to be alone, so he made him a helper comparable to him. This shows that the main reason for marriage other than maybe replenishing and multiplying is companionship. When God talks about cleaving and joining, He is talking about togetherness, rapport, that’s what it will take to be joined. So when you are ready to take the leap of faith, the first thing you consider is communication. This is a strong tool.

There’s just something about being able to talk to someone. You know it, .it knits the soul together. I don’t know how to explain it. I am sure you have experienced it. Its one of the things my parents had going for them. If you wake up in the middle of the night, you can hear them talking. Sometimes we’ve had to shoo them to sleep. People are known to fall in love over the phone. It’s in the place of communication that you will be able to understand one another and be able to form a friendship. And I always say, become friends before you become anything else. Because being able to talk to and understand one another will take you through the rough patches.

Compatibility is a point, but not a strong one. The way I see it, so long as you can live with your partner’s traits and idiosyncrasies, its o.k. you don’t have to see things the same way or like the same things. But if you know that habit upsets you or really offends you and you can’t get it changed, then if you know you can’t live with it, take a moment to pause. People have gotten divorced overstuff as small as toothpaste.

Spiritual compatibility is a must. You have to believe the same things or you have to be willing to give up what you believe to accept his/hers or else its ground for friction. People are always forceful about their beliefs especially when it has to do with religion.

Physical looks must not be left out. Beauty depends on the eye of the beholder the say. But you know what works for you. You have to remember that marriage involves intimate relationship. In as much as the church has its stand on premarital sex, at least you have to imagine that this person will have access to your body. You can’t think of marrying somebody that out rightly repels you, and you have tried to and prayed to overcome it. And it’s not happening. It’s a sure ground for infidelity and divorce.

Physical looks must not be left out. Beauty depends on the eye of the beholder the say. But you know what works for you. You have to remember that marriage involves intimate relationship.

Now money, family background etc, still have their place. But they are not major issues.

Love is the foundation. But know that love does not always conquer all. remember love has to be requited, if not, then it‘s obsession. When love is there, then you can build the rest on it. It’s all about balancing it out. No one reason on its own is a good reason to marry. As Christians all we have to do is pray and ask God for guidance, and if it seems like its tarrying, just wait for it.

Don’t jump into marriage for the wrong reason. Good things come to them that wait. I have been told that you can’t find all you want in one person. I tend to agree with that, what you need to do is to prioritize the attributes you want. If you get majority of your important points, then you should go for it. Don’t wait until every single thing you want is complete in one person.

Before you go into it, you should know that marriage is about compromise. Even though the Bible defined the role of the woman and that of the man., we still have to work at it. There are really no guarantees in life, because people change, and that’s where prayer and love comes in. you really need to love that person to be able to deal with them at such times.

So if you are married and not happy in your marriage because of wrong choices, all you can do is pray. I believe that God can heal anything. He can bring a new lease of life in to your marriage. This goes to the women; the Bible says that a wise woman builds her home. I believe the bulk of the work is on your shoulder. Just ask God for strength. And if you are still single, remember it’s for better, for worse. As a Christian, divorce is not an option. So pray hard, listen hard, and ask for divine wisdom before you say I do.