Sometimes, America is not all its beefed up to be. There are so many challenges especially for the single and sometimes the married woman also.

Back home we have an advantage. Our friends and families are close by and therefore easily accessible. We can drop in for a visit without notice and often know that they will be home and happy to see us. For most of us abroad, that is wishful thinking. You will be very lucky to have friends and families living with you in the same city. Even if you do, the challenge of work schedule makes it almost near impossible to get together.

In Africa, we have one basic schedule running from Monday morning to Friday evening and everybody's schedule more or less fall into it. For traders and other businesses, they might work on Saturday, but more often than not, almost everybody is off on Sundays.

In America, there are all kinds of shifts: Morning, afternoon, evening, graveyard, God knows what else. Some are on 8hours, others on 12hours; some even do 16hour shifts.

The consequence is that you are almost always on opposite shifts with your friends or families. As a result you are off on the day they are working and vice versa. Some folks do two jobs to be able to meet up on their bills and the little time they have, they just want to sleep and will certainly not appreciate your knocking on their door. But thank God for telephone. The married Christian sister is better off. She has her husband and children to keep her company. Still

The single sister is therefore faced with the challenge of how to fill up her time mostly on her days off. Some that are shopping buffs hit the mall even if it's to window shop; others work out or do whatever makes them happy.

When I am in rut, I just watch movies. I rent like six at a time and just sit home watching them. I also listen to music, read and write my poems depending on how I am feeling. It's also a good time to attend programs, clean, do laundry or cook. The bottom line is to keep busy. An idle hand they say is the devil's workshop.

A group of my friends came up with an idea to deal with this syndrome. It actually kind of started innocently. We all decided to start celebrating out birthdays--- have a party and catch some fun. Sometimes it takes weeks to find a date that will accommodate everybody's schedule, but it's worth the wait and the plan.

My sister Grace had hers first and it was a blast, then Vicky [both are married by the way]. Married women also need a break sometimes you know. I had mine in November and we have one coming up for either December or January. It's basically women's affair.

Men are allowed to come, just to eat and leave. Then the girls just kick off their shoes and rock the night. We have enough to eat and drink. We might be dancing to “Oh Lord thank you we say thank you”, or to Makosa, it does not matter, the important thing is that we are relaxing and catching some fun.

Of course there are the jokes and the laughs that go with it. We dance till we are tired and we call it a night. We are not supposed to go to night clubs and discotheques, have boyfriends, well, this s as good as any. It's become such fun, that we all look forward to the next one.

Another thing we do is take ourselves out to eat. You can't sit around waiting for a man to ask you to lunch or any such things, those days are long gone. We make our fun happen for ourselves. It's always a pleasant experience. None of the hassles associated with going out with a man. You don't worry about what to say or how to say it for that matter, your table manners or your dress code, this going out with the girls, anything is allowed.

You get to try new dishes and make a face if you don't like it and freely steal food from anybody's plate and giggle. We sometimes go to the movies. The point I am trying to make ladies, is that you have to go out there and live a little. You don't have a boyfriend, not engaged or married, so what? All those do not necessarily translate into happiness.

Make things happen for yourself. Don't lock yourself in the house all day and wallow in self pity. That will only give you depression. Staying at home makes you raid the fridge and if you have the tendency to add weight like me, before you know it, you will be due for a change of wardrobe.

I have said it all. Living single abroad can be a lonely experience. If you are in a situation where you don't have friends or families.

1. The first to do is to try making some friends, maybe at work and at church. Take it as a challenge and before you know it, you will have friends to hang out with. But be sure that they are friends that will improve your life, not take you down.

2. Take up a project. It might be something like knitting or teaching yourself a program on the computer, something that gives you a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

3. Exercise, go the park, take a walk and just drive around and sight see.

4. Do volunteer jobs like in hospitals or with charity organizations.

5. Your prayer time is a given, so whatever you do, don't mess with it. Know that the greatest friend or husband is your Lord, so spend the greatest time with Him.

As you do all this and more and wait on him, surely He will make all things beautiful in His time.

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