The role of parents in marriage

Every parent puts a bit of themselves in their children. This is not always intentional but the first mentors children have are their parents and they tend to imbibe and do things the way that their parents do, irrespective of what their parents might say to the contrary.

For example, many children who were raised in polygamous homes and who went through the trauma and evil that are usually part of such homes, usually vow to themselves that they would not fall into the same condition as their parents. But in their adult's years, they "suddenly" find themselves married to several wives or having been married to more than a husband over a period of years. The same goes for children who were raised in families that exhibited infidelity, drunkenness, physical and emotional abuse etc.

I always tell people that before they marry, they should focus more on "being" the right person rather than on "finding" the right person. Your spouse does not have the ability to make you whole neither can his/her love wash away your weaknesses. You have got to deal with all your negative emotions before marriage and for this, you must have a relationship with God; anything else would be a temporary solution to a permanent issue.

Nobody can heal and restore wholeness like God can. As parents, when we figure out our children's weak points, we should concentrate on encouraging them in that area; we should accept their strengths and weaknesses and encourage each child in a way that focuses on his/her strengths. Our words to our children should" always be with Grace, seasoned with Salt (Colossians 4: I 6)"; don't batter them with your words.

When they are wrong, correct them in Love and help them to see the consequence of the decisions they have made. Everyday, tell your children that you love and appreciate them. When you are not at home or around them, endeavour to know how the children are doing. Let your children know that they can always talk to you.

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Parents should show good example

Many times when couples fight and marriages disintegrate, their children usually feel confused and alone. They are torn between their parents and feel that they have to "support" one of them. They are usually fed with conflicting stories from one or both parents and are expected to see things and judge the other parent negatively. No thought is given to the children's innocence or emotional and psychological well-being.

Parents seem not to understand that their responsibilities towards their children go beyond providing shelter, food, clothing, education etc, even as important as these things are. Their primary responsibility is to provide a loving and healthy environment in which the lives and future of their children will be moulded.

Wives, when you are having issues with your husband and you need someone to talk to, talk to God. Don't burden your children with situations that are too complex for them and which, in all honesty, they can do b'Otl1ing' about. The Bible says that children are gifts from God (Psalm 127: 3) and so, they must be handled with care.

The first role models that children look up to in life are their parents. This is why it is important that parents live the kind of life that they would want their children to take after. I would like all children to know however, that there is never a good enough reason to engage in any form of physical action against your parents or anybody who is in a position of authority over you. Though your parents are meant to give you good examples, but when they don't, you have a responsibility to yourself to choose to always do the right thing.

Ephesians 6: 2-3 says, "Honor your father and mother. This is the first of God's Ten Commandments that ends with a promise. And this is the promise that if you honour your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing."

No matter what happens, respect both your parents; to do otherwise will be to put yourself under a curse. If either one or both of your parents have done something which makes it difficult for you to honour them, please forgive and honour them.

To truly honour others, we must exhibit love, kindness, patience, gentleness, goodness, and self-control towards them, but we definitely cannot do this in our own power, we need God. We can never over-emphasise the importance of having a personal relationship with God. It was this relationship that made the difference in Duro's life and the same can happen for you if you will just give your life to Christ.

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You need parental consent for marriage

I know of married couples that ignored their parents' objections to their marriage either because their reasons for objecting seemed illogical, petty or even stupid or because of their parents' lack of education. Some got married in spite of their parents' objections and lived to regret their decisions while some others, like Uncle Seinde, lost their lives in the process.

I always advice Singles never to marry without parental consent. You may be matured enough to make responsible decisions, but they have been around longer than you and therefore have experience that provides examples to either emulate or avoid. Secondly, their emotions are not blinding them to character flaws and hidden motives as yours may be doing at the time.

Everything wiped out because of disobedience and feelings. Your parents may be illiterate or conservative but they are still your parents and the Bible says in Ephesians: 6: 1-3 that we should honour our parents so that it may be well with us and we may enjoy long life.

If you are single and either both or one of your parents has reservations about the person you want to marry, you need to see their objection (for whatever reason) as an indication to slow down and reappraise your relationship. There may be something wrong with it that you do not see because of your emotional involvement.

However, this does not mean, that your parents should choose your life partner for you or force you to marry someone of their choice. It is just best that they approve of the person that you decide to marry. However if you are convinced that the person you want to marry is God's will for you and you don't have parental consent, talk to God about it.

The Bible says that He can turn the heart of the kings to do His will; He will give you favour with your parents. Just keep praying and trusting in God. If you are yet to develop a personal relationship with God, now is the time to start.

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Mothers are important

Mothers must realise that they are very important. Not one's teacher, preacher or psychologist has the same opportunity to mould minds, nurture bodies and develop potential usefulness like a mother.

The future of every child is determined to a large extent by their mothers. Mothers need to give their best moulding to their children and thus the world. Proverbs 18: 14 says "the spirit or a man will sustain his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear."

This scripture indicates the frustration that anyone who goes around with a wounded heart feels. It is like a man walking around his yard who suddenly noticed that his favourite tree is drying up.

After looking around and not seeing the cause, he took a shovel and began digging around its roots. He then found that the roots have been totally eaten up by insects. In a similar manner, a person's life can contain some deep hurt that are covered by protective facade. These scars, pains and hurts need healing. Healing that can only come from the work of the Holy Spirit.

Emotional wounds are a result of being thrown off balance by any event that damages one's spirit. The damage resembles a tear across the heart and can lead to great emotional sufferings. A wounded person's self-worth is damaged and he/she feels rejected, insecure and experiences self-doubt and other negative feelings.

Rather than live die rest of your life with emotional wounds, you can choose to be healed and restored today, no matter the hurts you have experienced. You need to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour, because he is the only one who can I. heal your broken heart.

You must decide to forgive those who have hurt you from your heart. Rather than seek an opportunity for revenge, pray that God will touch them.

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