About courtship

I have noticed amongst married couples that the roots of most of their issues can be traced- to their courtship period. While dating, they usually find traits they don't like in the other person but because of their emotional attachment, they decide to overlook the traits and hope that they would be able to change the person after marriage. It does not work that way.

The truth is that prevention is better than cure; any issue you do not confront during courtship will confront you when you marry and then it might be too late to do anything about it.

When a couple says "I do" to each other on their wedding day, they are saying it to each others strengths, weaknesses and to everything that the other person is a healthy self-esteem does not come from size, clothes, profession etc it comes from God. Don't be swayed by the opinions of people; read your Bible and focus on who God says you are. Parents have a duty in this area.

It is their responsibility to boost their children's self esteem by telling them who they are in God. It is the search for a sense of worth that makes young girls drop their pants for any man who tells them that he loves them and makes young boys join cults.

If children find love and acceptance at home, they would not look outside for it. If your spouse has traits you do not like, the way to change him is through love, submission and respect. Love will soften your spouse's heart to you by submission you are not repaying evil for evil and God will definitely promote you.

However, if he is violent, please see your family, pastor or a counselor for help. If the habit is Adultery, Divorce is not the answer. At such times, your spouse actually needs your help. He has opened himself up to attacks spiritually, emotionally and health­ wise and he needs you to cover his back right now.

It is a time to help him not desert him. It might be hard but you have to fight for your marriage and your home. There is nothing too hard for God to do and the truth is that God and you make an unbeatable team. Give your heart to Christ and trust God to fight your battles for you.

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Take courtship serious

Courtship goes far beyond the pleasure of dates, gifts and sweet words. It is serious business because the decisions taken during courtship form the foundation of marriage. You have got to look beyond the facade to determine who the person you are courting really is. For further help on deciding whom to marry, please get my book "How To Choose A Life Partner, 165 Questions To Ask" (Call 08023847329 for enquiries on how to get the book).

The most dangerous thing a single person can do is get into pre-marital sex. Sex binds people together and this is why God designed it for marriage. When singles get into sex before marriage, it creates a false bond between them and blinds them to the flaws of the other person.

When a man insists on a lady getting pregnant before marriage, it is usually for a selfish motive. He either wants to use it to trap her into marrying him before revealing his true self to her or he sees her as a sex symbol, or he lacks self-control and none of these reasons signifies that the marriage will be successful.

The letter above is a warning to ladies and even men (whom ladies insist on getting pregnant for). Take it slow and get to know the person before saying "I do". Showing love will be difficult if you have not had an encounter with God because God is love and that is why you need Christ in your life. If you will like to give your life to Christ, please say this prayer:

Dear heavenly Father, I come to you today and ask you to : forgive my sins. I believe in my heart that I Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe that He was raised from the dead for my justification, and I confess Him now as my Lord and Saviour. Thank you for saving me. Amen

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Being the right partner

I have discovered over the years that when singles want to get married, they spend a lot of energy looking for the right person but very few singles actually devote time to being the right person. Somehow, people just assume that when they reach a certain age, they are ready for marriage whether or not they have developed the right qualities and values into themselves.

Marriage is not about your age, but character, commitment, discipline, patience, kindness, humility etc. People don't have a good marriage just because they wish or pray to have a good marriage; it takes a lot of hard work.

This is why it is very important that we 1M not only marry the right person but each of us must also be the right person for the man/woman we intend to marry. For more information on how to have a successful marriage, I recommend my new book, "How to Choose a Life Partner, 165 Questions to Ask”.

To have a good marriage, most of us have to unlearn the things that society has taught us and start learning from God; unless you renew your mind, you will not have a good marriage.

The first and most important step she took was to seek God. There is no way she could have changed her character and values without first getting into a relationship with God. As she fellowshipped with God, He changed her heart and made her the kind of woman any man would be proud and happy to have as a wife.

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Know your genotype

Sickle cell aneamia is a blood disease wherein the red blood cells of the human body are sickle shaped rather than round. Red blood cells transport both nutrient and oxygen around the human body and hence, are vital to our well being.

When they are sickle-shaped, they easily form blocks in the blood flow and thus lead to many health complications. Medical Science has no cure to this anomaly so, people with AS genotype are usually advised not to marry each other as they could have children with SS genotype.

The agony that "SS" children go through is one that nobody will like to cope with and that is why it is necessary that intending couples do not let emotions or sentiments make them ignore the importance of genotype grouping.

Another important issue that intending couples who are both AS have to consider is he Psychological and Emotional effect of the disease on their children. Many SS children have known to declare hatred for their parents because of the pain and constant hospitalisation that they have to endure.

This is aside from the fact that many people, irrespective of their blood genotype, avoid marrying those that have SS, because they are fragile and vulnerable, and also the emotional and financial implications involved. The stigmatisation is real and painful.

Though there is no health condition that God cannot heal, there aren't many recorded cases of where God has healed people of Sickle Cell because it has to do with faith level. By the time most couples have SS children, they "suddenly" find out that they do not have the faith to get the healing for their children. If you have never stood in faith for a crucial situation in your life before, there is absolutely no guarantee that either you or your spouse will be able to do so concerning the healing of your children.

When two people with AS Genotype decide to marry, they must both be convinced that God approves of their relationship and they must both be faith people. If there is any hint of fear about the possibility of having SS children do not go into the marriage because it will take a miracle to have only AS or AA children and without faith, you cannot get your miracle.

Also, there should be both Pastoral and Parental consent in such cases, because you will need the support of your family and your church. I also advice the intending couple should not plan to have a large family.

No case is hopeless when entrusted to God. If you are in such a situation, please I pray and seek counselling but first, you also need to give your life and situation to Christ.

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