Many of us, especially ladies (well, I guess guys would also fall in here), tend to focus on the outward appearance. And this is just human nature. Even the prophet Samuel in I Samuel 16:6 &7 judged based on the outward appearance.

It is even more pathetic that in our society today, we are faced with pressure from culture, family, friends and the like to behave in a particular way or to have a particular lifestyle. For instance, for ladies, it has been accepted that by a certain age, we should be married and for the guys, it is a thing of ‘shame' if you have only ever dated one girl. And if you happen to fall short of these ‘so called' standards, you are regarded as ‘slow', ‘not happening' and you are told to ‘wake up'!

So in the attempt not to be the ‘odd one' in the crowd, we disregard the more important values of life and we rather major on the minors and minor on the majors.

But I just digressed a little!

I would be the first to admit that we all are attracted to fine looking guys and girls, which of course is not wrong. However, being attractive is not the important thing. The Bible says, “Beauty is vain” (Prov 31: 30). Have you ever wondered why, in all the home videos we watch, the guys have their fun with the attractive ladies but they don't bring them home as wives. Rather, they marry less attractive women but with excellent attitudes.

When I was in school, I was also one of those who fell for ‘tall, dark and handsome' guys and naturally I was in a relationship with someone with those characteristics. But as it turned out, I had fallen in love with someone I knew very little about, and I later realised that at times, we get carried with being in love that we turn a ‘blind eye' to the other party's character. That is what is described in I Peter 3:4 as “the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” . This is not the same thing as being reserved. Some very reserved people are also very proud and rude. We are talking about developing inner qualities and attitudes that despite your natural temperament, attracts people to you, whether you are handsome, beautiful or just okay.

When we're in love, it's so easy not to see the ‘bad' side of the other person, although it may be glaring to others. We may even notice the way he or she treats other people but we don't see anything wrong with it because we're in love.

However, when the ‘in-love' feeling wanes, and you begin to notice that he or she has a bad attitude even to you, you suddenly wonder and may even say, that ‘he has changed' or ‘she has changed'. No, they didn't suddenly change; it's just that you were love-blind.

Of course, it is good to look good outwardly and I would encourage that we be excellent in our appearance. Note that I used the word ‘excellent'. It has nothing to do with being extravagant or to ‘show-off', it just means we dress excellently by wearing clean, well ironed and if possible starched clothes and smell good too (this is actually very important) but at the same time, we should pay more attention to our attitudes, that is, the way we treat people, especially those who can't give you anything in return.

In that movie, Shrek, there was actually a Prince Charming who looked everything like a ‘prince charming'. He had the looks, carriage, money, just name it, but he was spoiled, arrogant, selfish and was more interested in becoming king than he was in true love. In fact, he was actually the ogre because he was rotten on the inside.

Well ladies, who would you choose, ‘Prince Charming or Shrek'. I can hear, some of you saying ‘neither' (I would too!). In as much as this illustration sounds a little far-fetched, I'm sure you catch my drift. The truth is that “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith” Proverbs 15:17.

Please get me well, there are also not too good-looking (in other words, ugly) guys and girls who also have rotten attitudes, so it works both ways.

It all boils down to personal joy and fulfillment. If you are happy with that guy or that lady, in spite of their character, then by all means go for it! But if like me, you cannot be truly happy with someone like that, you will be careful and patient before you fall in love.

This is even more sensitive for us ladies, because we are more emotional than the guys. Once we're in love, all our emotions are involved, which makes it harder for us if it doesn't work out. We find it difficult to let go in our hearts because we have let our emotions go but with the wrong person. By the way, I ended up marrying the most wonderful man, who is actually very handsome but much more has the character that any lady would be proud of.

So please sisters, let's be more careful whom we allow in our hearts. Don't get carried away in the name of love, so you won't end up crying, ‘Help, I'm in love with an ogre' .

And for the brothers, there are lots of sexy and beautiful ladies that lack discretion and attitude. Proverbs 11:22 says “As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair (or beautiful) woman which is without discretion”. In other words, a beautiful woman that lacks good attitudes is not worth the trouble. So my advice to all of us is to seek as much counsel as you can get from God, friends, family etc about that person.

It is important that we don't run our lives to impress people. For in a bid to impress people, it is easier to compromise your standards. So because you want to impress your girlfriends or guy friends, you settle for less and mediocre. But at the end of the day, when you can't stand it anymore, those friends will not be there to ease the pain and frustrations. If at all, you need to impress anyone, it should be God and your very self.

So dear friends, if finding and choosing the right person means waiting a while to be very sure, then it's well worth the wait. It's no use being in a relationship and at the end of the day, all you have to say is, “Help, I'm in love with an ogre”.