Q Can God forgive me for getting too involved sexually with my boyfriend--and maybe even being pregnant?

It is understandable that you are concerned about your relationship with your boyfriend. As you may know, the Bible does not make any allowances for sexual relations outside of marriage; see 1 Corinthians 6: 18- 7 :2. Scripture condemns immorality as a serious sin because it violates one of the most sacred relationships in life. Sexual relations, stripped of pure love, respect, and a sincere desire to give joy and fulfillment within marriage, become meaningless and unsatisfying.

However, God stands ready to forgive you--totally and completely--for every sin you have ever committed. That may sound impossible--but it is true because of Christ and His love for you.

While you cannot undo what has been done, you can begin to live a new life. Many who have given up their original virginity are, nevertheless, pledging themselves to virginity from this point forward, until they make a lifetime commitment to the man God leads into their lives. This will mean avoiding occasions of temptation whenever possible. Playing with temptation is like playing with a deadly poison. The only answer is to turn from it--decisively and finally, not little by little. This is especially true with sexual temptation, which can become so overpowering. We know it will not be easy, but it will be well worth it.

Be intent on learning God's purpose for your life. Confide in one of your parents or another trusted Christian adult, since their love and concern will provide the guidance and understanding you need during this difficult time of your life. Get involved in a Christ-centered youth fellowship, and surround yourself with mature Christians to whom you can be accountable. Try to be faithful in Bible reading and prayer daily as you seek to discover the wonderful plan God has for your life. Jeremiah 29: 11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you .... Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Q Is there anything wrong with living with my boyfriend if we plan to be married someday?

Living together without marriage is becoming more frequent as our society moves farther and farther from its religious and moral roots. We can assure you that you will never find lasting happiness by continuing to live this way. For one thing, when you have this kind of relationship outside of marriage there is no commitment to each other--and without commitment there cannot be a full measure of trust and security. Love becomes little more than an emotional feeling toward each other, and when the emotions fade there is nothing to keep you together.

More than that, what you are doing is wrong in the eyes of God, and if you turn your back on Him and His moral law you will never have true peace in your heart. God has given marriage to us for our happiness and security, and when we follow His rules for sex and marriage, we can experience real joy. When you treat love and sex casually, you are going against His perfect plan, and it will inevitably bring unhappiness.

The Bible stresses: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" (Hebrews 13:4). The Bible also says that God so strongly condemns fornication and adultery that those who practice these sins will be excluded from God's kingdom (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). However, the Lord is willing to forgive such sins and transform the lives of those who have committed them (1 Corinthians 6:11).

Q The man I've met is very nice, but has a hard time controlling his temper. Would it be all right to marry him --if he promises to change?

Marriage is a serious decision. Above all, you need to seek God's will. You would be wise to be cautious. Loneliness can make one vulnerable. Do not agree to marriage just because you are lonely and want security; few things are as tragic as a miserable marriage outside the will of God.

There are several warning flags that you need to heed. Certainly one warning flag is his past. How much do you really know about him and his previous relationships, not just from him, but from others who know him?

A man who cannot control his temper (even when he is trying to make a good impression) should concern you greatly--no matter how many promises he makes about how he will change in the future. The Bible warns, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Proverbs 29:11). It also declares, "An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins" (Proverbs 29:22).

There are several questions you need to ask yourself. Is he committed to Christ? Does his life bear the fruit of one who follows Jesus? Does he go to church and encourage others to do the same? Does he put your needs above his, or do other things concern him more? Is your relationship fulfilling and happy, or unsatisfying and empty? If problems exist in these areas, entering into a marriage relationship most often will intensify these problems rather

than solve them. We would suggest that you contact a gospel-preaching pastor for assistance and guidance in the matter. If marriage is included in God's plan for your life, make certain that you consider marriage only to someone who knows and loves the Lord and intends to make Christ the center of the relationship. (Remember, the Bible says we should not be unequally yoked; read 2 Corinthians 6: 14-15.) Seek God's will for your future. Put Christ first in your life--and then don't settle for anything that is less than God's perfect plan.

Q Most of my friends are already married, and I am not getting any younger. What should I do?

We can certainly understand your desire to marry. However, if you have received Jesus as your Savior and Lord you need not allow this desire to influence your thoughts so much that you lose your joy and spiritual effectiveness. Rather than spending your energy being concerned over your problem, commit it to the Lord, and He will direct in this as in every other matter of life; see Proverbs 3:5-6 and Psalm 32:8.

As you commit yourself completely to Christ, you may be assured that His love will provide the best for your life. If marriage is included in God's plan for your life, make certain that you consider marriage only to someone who knows and loves the Lord and intends to make Christ the center of the relationship (1 Corinthians 7:39).

It is important to remember that it is not necessarily God's will for everyone to marry. We often emphasize Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh," to the exclusion of 1 Corinthians 7:7: "I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of a husband or wife, and others he gives the gift of being able to stay happily unmarried".

In the 1 Corinthians passage, Paul confirms that God does give the gift of being and remaining single to some persons. Every Christian must answer for himself the question, "Is it God's will that I marry?" God never plans anything for us except what is best. Whether married or single, you can become a truly fulfilled individual by following the Lord's plan and purpose for your life. Perhaps the Lord is leading you out into an area of service for Him.

We would encourage you to fellowship in a gospel-preaching church and other Christian organizations in your area where you will gain friendships and find opportunities for service. If you have not already done so, organize your day so that you will have a special time to spend alone with God. Be sure that you do not neglect this "quiet time," for this communion with our Lord will give you power to overcome the enemy, to live above your circumstances, and to become a victorious Christian.

Q Is there anything wrong with a Christian marrying a non-Christian?

It is very dangerous for a Christian to marry someone who has not made a heart and life commitment to Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord. To be ready for marriage spiritually means, first of all, that both parties involved have accepted Christ and eagerly intend to make Christ the Head of their home.

To consider marriage without the possibility of spiritual agreement is to invite argument and unhappiness into the future household. Mr. Graham has said, "I would not guarantee that with becoming a Christian, the whole problem of marriage and the home is automatically solved. But I do say that complete fulfillment in marriage can never be realized outside of the life of Christ. ...I would advise every couple planning to establish a home to first come to a complete agreement on their faith." Amos 3:3 states: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

God ordained marriage to be a "threesome"--God, you, and your life partner. Think of it as a perfect triangle. The closer each marriage partner lives to God, the closer each will live to the other. Such closeness is impossible when one spouse does not have a personal relationship with God. This is the reason the Bible says we should not be unequally yoked; read 2 Corinthians 6:14-15. The apostle Paul applies this principle in the case of widows when he writes, "But if her husband dies, she is free but she must belong to the Lord"

At age 85, the Rev. Billy Graham has advised nine U.S. presidents and presented more than 400 crusades in more than 185 countries. He has left an indelible mark on the country's religiosity, and many believe that no minister will ever again be so popular with so many Americans and Christians all over the world.

What is your comment on this story?

• I believe God can help me. Please pray with me.