When you first hear the title of ABC Family's new series – “The Secret Life of an American Teenager,” one might say – Duh!

Seriously – don't most teenagers have somewhat of a secret life? That's like starting a new show called “The Dysfunctional Lives of Hardened Criminals.”

I'm not saying that it's cool to have a secret life, but it's just the way a boatload of 13-18 year olds decide to do things.

So in “The Secret Life” … we have a band girl getting pregnant, a super Christian cheerleader, unhappy marriages, and a multitude of backstabbing betrayals and blistering banter.

In other words, pretty much like real life.

I wouldn't know how God feels about this show – He probably doesn't watch TV because He already knows what's coming anyway … but I do, however, know how God feels about the secret lives of Christian teenagers.

You know what I'm talking about, right? If not, let me lay it out for you:

Sunday morning:

Whoa! Today is church, right? Yikes, I need to do some serious confessing so I don't, like, get struck by lighting or have a serious Bible dropped on my head from above. Oh, and I need to remember to activate the cussing filter and tell the youth leader how I've been praying and reading the Bible. Yeah, I'll confess that one too … later.

Monday – Friday:

Yesssss. Back at school where some people know I'm a Christian, but I sure don't want to come off like some Jesus Freak or something. That's why I let the profanity fly when the situation demands it, judge others based on how they look, and c'mon – does Jesus really expect me to save sexual pleasure for marriage? Oh – and I'm definitely going to that party Friday night – even though I know my parents think I'm just out with friends. And even though there's going to be enough booze and drugs to supply a small nation … I'm just going so I can maybe talk to people about God … right?

Saturday:

I guess I had fun … but why do I feel so guilty inside? Everybody is doing this secret life stuff, but nobody seems happy. I thought having a relationship with Christ was supposed to bring me joy and contentment, but all I'm getting is shame and loneliness.

Sunday morning:

Whoa! Today is church, right? Yikes, I need to do some serious confessing so I don't, like, get struck by lighting or have a serious Bible dropped on my head from above…

And the pattern continues. And this is the review that God is sending your way –

“I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don't need a thing!' And you don't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.” (Revelation 3:15-17)

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