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My
Agony |
My wife and I quarrel every December 25 |
Issue:
My mother-in-law always hold Christmas party, not a party but a get-together, every December 25th. She cooks and children and grand-children gather to eat. This is a tradition I met in their family and we all have been attending since 1995 when i got married.
After 5 years, i reasoned that on Dec. 25, I should be home with my family and enjoy ourselves. But my wife insists we go to her mothers place. Since 2000, I stopped going, but allowed her and the children to go. My absence has always brought disagreement and malice between my wife and I which we carry till every New Year. This is how it has been since 2000. We remain sad till every New Year because only me amongst the in laws refused to attend her mother's party!
This year, I will not attend. And im serious sir.
Further more, I will stop my children and herself altogether. Or my children alone. I don't care what happens.
But I want to seek a superior counsel in case i am doing wrong. Christmas is nearby. My question is, must anybody control me on Dec 25th? Can't I decide what I do on that day? I am not suspecting my mother in law of anything but i want to be myself.
James Nnaemeka.
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Counsel:
Bro. James,
You are blessed. Calm down. While I am not supporting your going to your mother-in-law every December 25, you need to apply wisdom. It sound as if your mother-in-law is a good mother to both of you. You know about that culture before you took the lady to the Alter, you should have sorted it out.
Now, all you need to do is to pray that God should give your wife understanding of your intention. Then call her and talk to her in love, tell her that things cannot continue that way. Both of you may need to talk to your mother-in-law to give you permission to celebrate in your house and you can visit her on the 26th or any other day. I'm sure she will understand and since she wouldn't want any crisis in her daughter's home, she will accept. Although, if it is your mother, you may not want to stop going there. Men! (No offence). Can I talk to your wife please?
Madam James, be wise! Don't allow the devil to penetrate your home. If you insist, the outcome of the problem may not pay both of you. Reason with your husband if that is what he wants and let there be peace in your home. It will be easier that way to appeal to your Mum than to run into crisis. Marriage is a misery and only God is the best Overseer of homes and if you just allow Him through your prayers, He will sort out things for you since the heart of both your Mum and your Husband are in His hands. Let there be peace!
Pastor(Mrs.) Adenike Adeyemi
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Wife Reacts
I thank you Madam for your advice.
My husband showed me this website and the advice you made to me though my he did not tell me he was seeking counsel on the internet.
I don't come online because I had always thought the internet is always used for criminal purposes. Not until I read this page and other pages, and the sermons website's that I knew I was missing so much. Anyway.
On my husband and fighting every December 25th, its true but my husband has not told the whole truth.
The fact is that he used to attend the party but when he suddenly realised that at his age he should have a car to cruise around and not having one is degrading him at his in-laws, he began to find reasons for not going.
My husband is at pains that at his age he has not been able to gather enough to buy a car. He is so obsessed with this inadequacy and lacks confidence because of this. He has broken away from some of his friends because he considers himself lower than them. If Emeka is the man I know, nobody is better than him. But on account of not having a car now, he is ashamed of visiting my in laws. He said he cannot be walking on the streets with his children and wife.
In fact, this state of mind has affected his church attendance. You know that in so many churches here in Lagos, you are rated and associated with according to how rich you are, the carsssss you drive and the testimonies of contracts you got, journey made to America, Dubai, Europe and your children admitted to Covenant University, where they pay big big amount for school fees.
Please speak to my husband for me that in our own time, God will make us big. I am happy with him. He is a focused man. A Masters degree holder. He is not a lazy man but things have not started working for him. He should wait on God and please be himself.
Truly, not having a car makes me sick too. I am quarter to 40. He is 43. But I have not allowed this car issue affect my self-esteem. This is the problem with my husband. I have confronted him with my views but he is not ready to own up. Ask him this question please: If he buys a car today, will he attend my mother's party on Christmas day? Please ask him this question and you will see that I am damn right.
Thank you ma.
Blessing.
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Response from Counsellor:
James and Blessing:
If what your wife has said about you is the truth on your not having a car, and this is what is responsible for your not wanting to go to your in-law house to celebrate Christmas, then you must be ready to come out of that.
Your wife has realized your potential and absolutely accept your person as you are even without a car. Pls be hopeful that very soon, even this coming New Year 2008, you will be able to buy a car. How much is a car for God's sake? Even the two of you can cooperate together financially to buy one first and later the other for your wife.
Your wife in the midst of her family will be proud and able to stand and defend you, as she is proud of you as a graduate, and all things are possible for you employment wise. If not, because of the current state of the country, but with prayers you are coming out. Don't be ashamed because of car issues, stand tall and be hopeful, because all is well. Always think positive and shun inferiority complexes. You can make it in life and that is your portion this coming year 08.
Did I hear you saying a very big Amen. I am proud of you pls. Keep the flag flying and all will be well.
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