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Send in your mails on challenges and agonies facing you. Your questions are made available to Christians for advices. Pastors, counsellors and Christians are encouraged to respond to the agony questions.
If you have a question you like to mail to us, please indicate QUESTION on top of your mail. If its an advice, indicate ADVICE TO Q... .
Send the mail to us here or to editor@elifeonline.net
Dear editor,
Please advice me on this issue.
We are seven in the family. I am the eldest. I am not getting any younger and I don't have a permanent good job, yet nobody in my family, starting from parents down to the last child is making any head way in life.
We are all worried. Among the 5 girls, none of us has gotten married. My immediate brother is not finding it funny either.
This situation now made one of my younger sisters to visit a prayer house and she was told that somebody in my father's family is responsible for it. Pls what do i do?
Eby
Advices for Eby
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ADVICES FOR EBY:
Dear Eby,
I wonder why you have to wait this long before a reply. I have read through your request with concerns for you and your junior sisters and Brother. You may not believe this, I did read over and over what you wrote and remain silent to think and ruminate over your matter and how to respond until today through the help of the Holy-Spirit, I decided to write this few words to you.
1) You do require a Deliverance Prayer.... You may wish to look for a Deliverance Ministries around you to undergo a deliverance prayer with you.
2) You need to Spiritually develop yourself and your other siblings, by meditating in the word, allowing the Holy-Spirit to lead you into powerful deliverance prayers uprooting every strong man in your family house, disturbing your progress and advancement in life. You must develop a strong prayer life and if possible combine this with night prayers between 12 midnight to 3:00am in the night at least twice a week. (There are however prayer point appropriate to your need at the back of my new book “Hope in Despair" ) You may request for this through the editor or by writing and requesting. This prayer at this time is paramount to counteract the effects of attacks from whosoever may be responsible for the problem. Your gathering to pray represent the light (Church of God) while the gathering of whosoever attacks represent the dark, (Gates of hell) and since the beginning of the world the gate of hell has never prevail against the Church of God.
3) You must develop a strong faith and not fear your present state, your problems are only for a short while, you will definitely be victorious. Tough time never last but tough people they do!
4) Always bleed the Blood of Jesus in your prayers..... We overcome the devil by the blood of the Lamb Rev 12:11 and mould round about you and your sisters and brother the edges of fire of the Holy- Spirit.
5) Command a strong fire to destroy the works of the devil in your life and in that of your other sisters and brother. John 10:10
6) Pray that the seed of the devil in you and your sisters and brother be uprooted.
However we promise to join you in fervent Prayers to the Lord until your condition becomes better and your better becomes best. You will soon see a young fellow to marry you as the veil covering the eyes of your spouse be removed through this prayer exercise.
Hope to read your testimonies!
Rev Yomi Adeyemi
CFM UK
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What is wrong with me?
Mail to Pastor Mrs. Adeyemi:
Im touched by your response to people's problems here. Pastor, I am on the verge of ....... Please tell me what is wrong with me?
I am 36 years old, still single. In the last five years, no man has proposed to me. They see me and pass bye.
This matter has over-powered me that I am no longer comfortable in my Church. I have changed Church twice. Now I sit at home. Someone told me to return to Islam from where I coverted to Christianity. It sounds strange to me but the kind of problems I face from my parents, tauntings from my younger ones, sympathy from friends, etc, makes going back to Islam not an impossiblity. I must confess ma.
For how long will I hold on as so many pastors have advised me? Who will now marry me at this age? My body is gradually ageing. My biological years are winding up. All my friends are married and their children calling me anty. Ha! Jesus, where did I go wrong?
I will not lie to you ma, I have gone to the mosque once. And the man someone showed to me is in his 50's, pot bellied, his children are as old as me. Someone said if the men will not come, I should proceed to have children and live alone. But even at that, no man has come.
It now makes me feel like flinging myself to anybody just to be pregnant. As I am writing this, I am shedding tears. What is happening to me? Where did I go wrong?
Tolu,
Ibadan Nigeria.
Advice for Tolu
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ADVICES FOR TOLU:
Dear Tolu,
Sing along with me.
"You don't have to worry and don't you be afraid
Joy comes in the morning, trouble they don't last always
Remember there's a friend named Jesus
Who will wipe your tears away
And if your heart is broken, just lift your hands and say
I know that I can make it, I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in your hands"
Your life is in the hand of the Almighty God. I can understand your feeling. But I want to assure you that as you are passing through that fire now, you will come out as a fine gold in Jesus Name. Many great men and women found themselves in that position once a time but today their testimonies are worth listening to.
Tolu, let me tell you there is nothing wrong with you. The problem is that the devil has put a wall of demarcation between you and your partner. Pray this prayer point. "Every wall of demarcation that the devil has put between me and my partner, fall in the name of Jesus".. I can feel the presence of God now, I agree with my husband on your matter and we decree that people shall gather together very soon to celebrate Jesus in your life in Jesus name. Did I hear your Amen ?
Listen, it does not take God a minute to change your testimony. You only need to believe and trust in the Lord. Be in the service of God, Be a prayerful Christian (Always pray the word of God that applies to your problem, be specific) Always praise God in your situation and it shall be well with you. God created Eve as help meet for Adam, so there is a man waiting to be the lucky man. Don't go back to your vomit. The devil will continue to delay you or provide a fake husband for you. Tolu be warned, if you are not successful in marriage, it may affect every other part of your life even your salvation. So be careful to wait for God's time.
Sweetheart, you are only delayed, you can never be denied. Look here, Take your stand in the Lord. Daniel and his friends preferred to go into the furnace of fire, die or alive for God than to bow down for idol, that is when God joined them in the fire and turn the fire into air-conditioner for them. Your dissapointment will be turned to appointment and your failure into blessing. Another Amen.
It is not worth murmurning about because some of the Israelites murmurmed in the wilderness and perished but you will not perish with this challenge in Jesus Name.
I commit you into the everlasting hands of God which are able to carry you to eternity.
Pastor (Mrs.) Adenike Adeyemi
CFM, UK
Dear Tolu,
I will tell you my story shortly. I don't write good English so I have called a brother to help me write as I speak. Its a testimony. I got married at age 39 to a man in America. I am due to travel there now. Incidentally, you and I bear the same name. When I reflect of the past now, I wonder why did I bother myself so much. I will send in the story when its ready. Just give me a week.
I thank God for Pastor Mrs Adenike for her counselling. So many youths in my Church read this magazine and they are blessed. I always pray for her and her husband. The Lord bless you all.
Toluwalase, Lagos Island, Nigeria.
Tolu,
Why are you worried now? Some girls like you have done so much yanga that you have made a boyfriend of your husband. When genuine men called you, you look at his status as if one is born with high status. No man came to this world with a car, or house or wealth. They all worked for it. So, young girls should learn from your experience. When next young men approach you, don't say he is not rich or something. Poor man go become rich one day. ok? Thank you o.
Godwin Oritsegbemi,
Warri Delta state.
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Please advise these people on their challenges
(March 1, 2006) |
Challenge 1:
What do you do when you have a mother, that due to her failure in relation to your father, determines that it shall not go well with any of the children she had with your father. You and your sister are over forty and still unmarried. A brother married for a decade and without children. Every attempt to seek peace with her meets with a condition that says in effect, until your father (who is now married to another woman) comes back to marry me, you cannot expect to have my blessings. What is one to do?
Shiloh
My advice for Shiloh
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Advice for Shiloh
Hello Shiloh,
This is really challenging. I will always remember you in my prayers but I advice you to meet with some deliverance pastors. Nothing, I say nothing is beyond God. Honest.
Biola Ilesanmi.
London
Shiloh,
If I were in your shoes, I find nothing wrong in setting such mothers up for death. May God destroy my mother if she is the one behind my troubles. A pastor in Nigeria has once led us in such prayers before. So I don't think there is anything wrong in doing just that or saying amen.
Mike Ughamadu
London.
Shiloh,
Please don't pray for anyone to die. Remember "we don't wrestle against flesh and blood". If you can attend Mountain of Fore Church, God has used them to deliver people from tough cases like yours. I'm a witness to that. God will deliver you and you siblings in Jesus name.
Topsie Ade,
London
Shiloh,
The Bible says the Holy Spirit will lead us into truth. Here is the truth: if you are born again, you are in Chirst. "In Chirst" means nothing can seperate you form His love, no height, no depth, no principality nor power. Not even your mother.
The blessing of God is opened to you. Read the story in 2Kings7. God had delivered them from the enemy but they were still inside the wall. Even though God had said " see I will make windows in heaven".
God Bless
Pastor Paul R Carley,
Ireland.
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Help me before I lose three Children
This is a long story, but I will make it as brief as possible.
Three years ago, two children of my husbands younger brother died in quick succession. It was a rude shock to everybody. Three months later, we heard again that a child of another relation of his died in England. Three months later again, another child of another relation died. All these happened between 2003 and 2004.
In 2005 September. My husband paternal grand mother, who was 94 years old came to our house from village. After three days of silence, she followed me out when I was going to my office and told me to return home at about 11am when my husband would have been in his office. I was afraid because I was not expecting this.
When I returned home, she sat me down and said have I taken a deep look at my three children? I said why? She said death is hovering around them. Death? Never. It’s never my portion, I told her. She then said, have I been faithful to my husband since I got married to him? Has any other man slept with me since I got married to him? I told her no. Never. But deep down in me, it was a lie. I will explain.
Tade was my first boyfriend. We broke up 15 years before I got married when his parents took him abroad. He was my first love. I was just out of my secondary school when he left. Five years into my marriage, with three children, I was in my office when my phone rang. It was Tade. How did he get my number? Where was he? Memories of yester years rushed on me. He said I should come. I said no. I'm married. He persuaded me, just to see him and nothing more. I said no. But the more I said no, the more I found myself yielding to go. Before I knew it, I was at his place. One thing led to the other, and … The first day, second day, third day, till the seventh day when I caught myself. What madness was I doing? I stopped seeing him. I was very bitter. I wept badly. I went to Church to seek forgiveness from God on the alter. And I knew He forgave me. I forgave myself. I warned Tade never to call me again and he stopped. After all, he has got what he wanted!
When I told mama no, Mama said those children of my husbands brothers that died was as a result of adultery which their mothers committed. Mama said she met a legend in her husband’s family, that the great grand father of her husband, whom she knew in 1928, left a curse for women who marry any of his children and his descendants, who sleeps with another man while still in his children’s houses as wives. And the curse is all their children will die mysteriously. Mama said he left the curse after he discovered that his fourth wife had brought home a child fathered by another man.
Mama said the remedy for the curse is that such women either pack out of the husbands house and terminate the marriage or confess in the midst of the family and the eldest in the family pronounce family forgiveness. These, those ladies did not do hence their children died. Mama said she was seeing signs on my children. I should check myself and decide. But I refused bluntly, dismissing her fears as unfounded. Mama left the following day. She died in November. Since September, I have lost my peace. Since September, I have been fasting every Wednesday and Friday, asking for forgiveness.
I have lost weight such that my husband keeps asking me what is wrong with me. And truly, my children are getting leaner and leaner. We have been taking the children from one hospital to the other, wasting money but I still can’t tell my husband that what is wrong with them is not medical.
How do I confess to my husband? How can I pack out of a happy home? Has God not forgiven me? But He said old things have passed away. It was a honest mistake which I regret, and which will never happen again. My greatest fear is my children. Will I truly loose them? Where can I go to? What can I do? Editor, please help me.
Mrs. B.A.A
(She did not include her names)
Lagos.
Mrs. B.A.A writes in again. (30/05/2006)
I thank those who have advised me on what to do. I went to my husband and confessed all that happened. I regret such confessions. I would have quietly packed out. My husband created a scene in my neighbourhood. He told every bird that flies, every rat that creeps.
As you will guess, we have separated. I stayed in hotel for a week before I got a boysquaters in Lekki. I am currently proceesing leaving the country for America.
He has withdrawn the children from the school they attend two weeks ago so I have no access to them. I don't even know where they are. I cannot even face them. My daughter called me that Mummy is it true? I dropped the call. I felt like committing suicide. Someone told me he has taken the children to his village for sacrifice.
Everybody in my Church and office have heard what happened. My quiet husband became a radio station. Ive stopped going to the Church. My bosses are bitter with me. I overheard that one of them moved that I should be dismissed. And this is gathering momentum. This is too big a punishment.
I have lost my home, lost friends, lost face and reputation. Now im about to lose my daily bread.
Will God not have mercy on me?
Will God not have mercy on me?
Will God not have mercy on me?
Betty.
My advice for Mrs. B.A.A |
My dear sister, (Mrs. B.A.A),
This is a tough one but God is able. I hope your children are still alive. Firstly, please hurry up and confess to your husband or your children will die. Look for a proper man/woman of God, let them follow you to your husband and help you beg him.
I don’t know about confessing to the whole family but if that is the remedy, then I would rather bear that shame than loose my kids. I think it’s better to bear this shame than the guilt and utter despair you will feel if the worst happens.
But most of all, you need to break the hold of the curse on you and your kids with the blood of Jesus. You can stand on these scriptures: Col 2:14-15 & Gal 3:13-14 (Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of d law...) God loves you that is why the woman came to give you that revelation before she died.
You have an advantage over the other women who lost their kids because you know the source of this evil. God wants to set you free so please don’t waste time take action. Ask the Holy Spirit for boldness &guidance. Victory will be yours in Jesus name
Topsie Ade,
London
My Dear Sister,
Your case to me is very simple, but difficult if you have made up your mind not to repent.
The original plan of God for His people in the Garden of Eden is to be transparent to each other and to Himself God. The meaning of which He said in parable (Nakedness) They were naked until the devil (sin) appeared in the Garden.
For yourself and your husband you have been sincere to each other and there were no fear, no break in your communication until your old boyfriend representing the old serpent came in a subtle manner to deceive you into adultery. Although while he is still far off you would have maintained your stand to tell him that you would not be able to see him in privacy for possibilities of sin and declare to him you are now a daughter of zion not hidding your identity and now genuinely born-Again, but the devil would suggest to you ,you are able, even behind closed door nothing will happen. The Bible had said He that think He stands should beware less he fall.
The Bible had advise us not to give a place for the devil, when you manage to go a mile with him, be prepared for ten miles, but resist him he will flee away.- 1 peter 5:7-8 The solution then is not in running into any man for advise but falling into the hands of God, which you have done in repentance,now is time to believe He has forgiven you, and if truely He has done so which I believe He does, then the heart of the king is in His hands and like a river course He can direct it whithersoever He likes.
Your husband is not yet a king, this suggests that an assurrance for you that before you get to your husband God would have convinced him and prepare his heart to forgive completely. You must be prepared to be naked the God's choice and go to your husband to reveal the secret of closed door. and put off you the clothes of fear, pride and insicerity.
Is God going to forgive?Is my husband going to forgive ?does'nt come to play what the Spirit of God is saying expressly is Obedience. I f you obey, your children will not die but live to declare God's Glory.- Psa 118: 17.
I wish to hear from you again.
Rev. Yomi Adeyemi
CFM U.K .
Dear Mrs. BAA,
I thank God for my husband's advice for your shameful act. All my husband is trying to do is just to encourage you so that you will not leave the presence of God like Cain and become a vagabond. I agree with my husband. But let me add this to his advice. If that your old boyfriend is still in Nigeria and is wretched, you will never wish to associate with him again.
By the way, how did he come about your telephone number? Are you a born again child of God at all? So you can leave your husband with three children somewhere and camp with a man who does not love you but just want to use you during his visit to Nigeria.
You are even lucky, if he had been the type that will take parts of your body to make money, , your case would have been a good example to women of your group. Too bad! Listen, I am praying to God and I know that God will hear my prayer that none of your children will pay for your sin in Jesus name.
If you don't wake up now and confess your sin to your husband as my husband has advised you, are on your way to pay for it. I pray you have not even contacted HIV. You are now fearing to go to your husband, if you fear him in the first instance you would'nt have spent seven days outside. What did the boyfriend give you eventually? You see you have just wasted your body for him and he will not respect you again because he knows that you would have cheated on him if he had been your husband. It's a pity!
Beloved, you need to receive forgiveness from your husband and God will surely forgive you. God still love you and He will touch the heart of your husband to receive you.
Pastor (Mrs.) Adenike Adeyemi,
UK.
Dear Mrs Betty,
I have waited patiently to hear your feedback on issue at hand, and now that you have written and have narrated your ordeal, I wish to say, if others have been throwing at you, the stones of blame, reproach, shame and condemnation, you can be sure God will not and Ministers of God like us will not either.
We have been raised and called and anointed for this purpose. To give hope to the hopeless, the less privileged in the country and community we represent.
Consider the Woman that was caught in the very Act. (John 8: 3-10) Now you have been caught in the very act, by revealing the secrets behind closed doors. Before the sin was a consealed one and the punishment was to die, yourself and your children. For God to defend you and reduce your punishment from death to reproach, you must be ready to recieve the lifting of stones at you by the pharisees & scribes of this world.
Someone had susgested your children are surposed to die, and yourself to suffer one punishment after the other (The Pharisee & scribes) Some had said if I were in your shoes, I would'nt have committed same offence (self justification) Only the Grace of God can see anyone through.
I would not like to mention names here. We have heard of a great Minister of God in Nigeria, notable at home and abroad falling a prey to adultery.
May I come back to "GRACE" Lord let your Grace be sufficient for this woman (Betty) and currently restored now and bubbling in Grace.
You have gone naked, transparent to your husband and to God to fulfil all righteousness, your sins are revealed and your husband with those condemning you are in the league of Pharisees and the scribes with stones in their hands to throw at you.
The fact remains "You have decided to obey God" rather than men. They may raise the stone but Jesus may decide not to allow the stones to land at you.
Instead of your shame and end up committing suicide why not wait for a double honour at your very end when God himself will vindicate you.
He/She that covereth sins shall not prosper, but whosoever confess and forsake shall have mercy.(Prov 28:13)
Many today have lear'nt to cover their sins and remain in poverty, the way to experience prosperity is to confess, go through the shame, because Christ will go through it with you with abundance of grace to bear it, but not to end up hanging yourself, for if you do so you are on your way to hell and continous torment.
The extreme of your not having cloth on (shame) is not what we want to consider, for this is only temporary. but the Glory afterward. We have seen husband writting a divorce document only to see them coming together again and celebrating 10 years wedding anniversary. Wonders will never seize to happen for with GOD all things are possible. (LK 1:37) Wait, go through the shame and reproach, you are not alone,- Christ is with you and I am on my knees for you. Affliction shall not rise up the second time. This however is your time to be in the place of fervent prayers and wait for the victory of the Lord.
Until I hear from you,
Remain Blessed.
Rev. Yomi Adeyemi
CFM U.K/Nigeria, Pakistan & India.
(Beulah Rescue Centre)
More advices for Mrs. BAA.
Next page
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We are both 'AS'
Recently, I broke up a several year relationship that I thought would lead to marriage. The lady was cheating on me and I believe God put an end to it. For this, I am thankful to God.
Recently again, I fell in love with a lady who is born-again. We both were thinking of marriage until we found out that our genotypes were of the 'AS' group. She is discouraged to go ahead. We decided to keep in prayers, but she is so discouraged and is wondering if God answers such prayers. I love this lady whom I have only seen about 6 times but we talk on phone often. I am persuaded to press ahead. I need prayers and advise from the brethren. Too many things that should discourage me in the relationship seem not to be a barrier. I am willing to trust God. Advise me on steps to take.
Ralph H.
My advice for Ralph |
ADVICES FOR RALPH:
Hello Ralph,
I think this is a matter that has to do with your faith level. If you are sure the Lord can do it, as He has done it before, yes, He would. But the lady is already defeated about her case.
We can receive nothing except through faith. So if you go ahead with a lady who has no faith, you are in for SS trouble with your children. I think the lady knows her faith level and so she faces the reality to stop the relationship. I don’t blame her.
I will advise you to stop the relationship now and move ahead. You will find your own wife in Jesus name.
Bola Olaitan,
Lagos.
Ralph,
Don’t force yourself into a dangerous relationship. It was good that you both went for genotype test to know your compatibilities. I did not. My wife and I are both AS. We are now fasting and praying daily for God’s intervention. It is not a pleasant experience, I must confess.
We are afraid to make babies. This is our fourth year in marriage. My libido is so low on account of this and I must confess again that the thought of divorce is always on our minds even though we love each other so much. For how long will this continue?
So I congratulate you for going for a test. I will advise you to discourage the affair. Let the lady move on and you also move on. The Lord will settle you all. Amen. Nelson Kabongo
Pretoria.
Ralph,
I think this is an eye opener for fiancés and fiancées. Most CChurches don’t preach this. When people get into trouble, they now preach miracles that often will not come. Let pastors take issues of AIDS and genotypes very seriously. Not miracles and prosperity.
Ralph, let your lady go. Many women out there. Just be careful.
Mills,
Berlin.
More advice for Ralph. |
Question.1
My husband's tiny male organ is threatening my marriage.
Dear editor,
Thank you for this forum to express my deepest worries on my young marriage. On the platter of not engaging in pre-marital sex according to Christian tenets, I now find myself married to a man who has a tiny male organ. Every period of sex is an ordeal for me as I never experience satisfaction. My husband is not ready to speak about this: once he ejaculates, he goes away. My marriage is young. We wedded in March, 2006.
While courting, he insisted on keeping a neat bed, unknown to me that he had something to hide. I was not a virgin when he met me, so that means I knew what sexual satisfaction is all about. Now, I don't know it again. My lousy sexual life is a daily source of worry for me. Rather than get satisfaction, I get so irritated and always feel like vomiting after.
When I told my mum, she wants me to obtain a divorce before children come between us. When I met a marriage counsellor, my husband, out of shame, would not entertain meeting him. A gulf is gradually building in my home. I have since stopped sleeping in the bedroom so as not to vomit. Worse still, he is not ready to speak about it.
Is the forbidding of premarital sex worth it after all? What can I do now that I'm married? Is this the ordeal I will face for the rest of my life? I don't want a broken home, yet I haven't gotten a satisfactory one. What can I do?
Thank you.
Esther Okanlawon.
Lagos.
Esther writes in again:
I thank you editor for this generous space you have given me. I have read all the response and I am thrilled that Christians responded to me. May the Lord bless them all.
Let me tell you that the home is now a hell for me. Somehow, my husband found out that this matter is now a topic on the internet. I have since
Continued here
My advice to Esther |
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Question.2
My husband is a "she-man"
If I had known that his mother would today become a clog in our wheels, I would have listened to my friends who warned me against marrying a "mummy's pet". He cannot take decisions without clarifying it first with his mother. His mother chooses the school the children attend. What colour of clothes he and the children wears. It was a battle before we moved out of her house to our rented apartment. She comes in when she likes and stays till when she likes. When she is around, she cooks his food, complaining I make his only child hungry to office.
Now I have enough cash to buy land and start a foundation. He said his mother said its an abomination that a woman should build a house before her husband. I want to proceed anyway. But something tells me to throw this open on getting to this site.
Please, Christians, help me.
Evelyn,
Lagos.
My advice to Evelyn
Important: In your response, kindly quote the title of the story, your email and city/country of residence.
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Dear Eve,
I have gone through this before. What did I do? Patience, patience, patience, or else, I would have divorced 15 years ago. You can proceed on the building but do it in his and your own name so that at the end of it, he and his mother would know that you have a good intention. Still call his attention to whatever you want to do. His mother will soon be tired of intruding. Try to win the confidence of his mother and she would stop.
Mary Sofoluwe,
London.
Hello Evelyn,
You only need prayers. The prayers is not only the one from anointed men of God but also out of the revelation you caught from the word of God concerning marriage. By the time you pray serious revelational prayers, the veil that covered your husband's eye would be torn and he would see better. He would see that the bible said a man shall leave his parents and cleave unto the wife and two of them shall become one.
Hiebson Totty
(Overcomers Magazine, Lagos)
Hello Evelyn,
Is this the reality of African men? Is this how your men behave in Africa? But why do you allow the mum in in the first instance? The fault is yours.
Yolanda Summer,
Idaho, USA.
Evelyn,
Some people are advising you to build the house in his name. Don't. I don't want to tell you how to handle your husband and mother in-law. I am interested in you. If you build the house in his name, it becomes his. I don't pray you get divorced or separated tomorrow, but just anything can happen with his mum looming so large in the picture. If you want to build, build in your name or keep your money in the bank.
Ijeoma, Texas USA.
Hello Evelyn,
If you are a true believer, I mean someone who has a relationship with Christ, just be patient.
Lizzy.
See more response to Evelyn |
QUESTION 3.
Got married for the wrong reasons.
She is 38, I am 40. I was actually carried away by her beauty seven years ago. But now, the realities of my job as a young entrepreneur, requires my partner to be sophisticated and well educated. But she is not. If she should go back to school, she will have to start from secondary school all over again. My wife can't even write a sentence of five words without an error. She can't send text messages on her mobile phone. When friends come, she can't contribute to our debates. So many time she has embarrassed me with her grammar, so I keep her away from environment that could expose her. Yet, when you see her, you think she is a Phd holder.
When I'm at home and need someone to keep me on my intellectual toes, discuss national politics or to assess my work, I find nobody. There are so many young, educated, equally beautiful women around to compliment my work. If I follow my mind, I will fall into adultery. If I don't, I still suffer. What can I do now?
Olabode,
Kaduna Nigeria.
My advice to Bode
Important: In your response, kindly quote the title of the story, your email and city/country of residence. |
Bode,
When I read your story,you don't sound like a Christian. If you want to be one, think constructively. If your wife cannot go back to school and you have a thriving business, engage a teacher for her level at a time. Gradually she would be brushed up to your level. There is gold in that your marriage which you have not discovered.
Hiebson Totty,
(Overcomers Magazine, Lagos)
Bode,
Your case is quite a knotty issue. I want you to search your heart and look into your future and see maybe your wife is not part of it! My honest advice to you is that do not forget the love of your youth. go ahead- develop her and see the wonders of God. Stay blessed.
Oluwasola Ayo,
Lagos.
Hello Olabode,
Were you blind when you were marrying her? You are talking arrant nonsense. If you love her, better stay by her and build her up.
Yolanda Summer,
Idaho, USA.
Hello Bode,
If you married by mistake, you better stay by mistake.
Lizzy.
Hello Bode,
i think you are not mature enough to get married. If not you will not be complaining. All you need is to help her.
Funmi.
Bode,
It is important you explore the choice of staying glued to your wife despite her predicament. You swore to live together and you must do all that must be done to remain faithful to the oath. Yours is not a hopeless case.
All you need is to make her see reasons why she must improve. A lot can be done to bring her up academically. However, you will achieve very little if she's not really interested in such development. That is why I will say you were really careless at the beginning.
This type of problem doesn't happen overnight. It's been there all the while you were courting. She must be so beautiful to have made you blind all the while. The bible says beauty is vain and favour is deceitful but a woman that fears God should be most desired.
Ogunmodimu Gbenga
Abuja .
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QUESTION 4.
Widowed so early.
I lost my husband in March 2003 after three years of marriage and two children. I am just 25! In my Church, people always sympathise with me when actually I don't need their sympathy. I am well off than many of them. I am well educated and have a good job. But that am a widow is like a stigma.Most men who tend to feel fresh with me immediately withdraw on knowing that I am a widow with two bukata! The men who tend to be serious are muslims and they want me as second wife.
I was a muslim but now a Christian. I come from a polygamous home and I don't want to experience what I saw of my parent. In fact, that was one of the reasons I became a Christian. Someone should tell me if I can ever get hooked by a bachelor. I did not kill my late husband. Its not my fault that he died. For how long will this society stigmatise me?
I thank God for Pastor Tinu Odugbemi for what she is doing. I would have called her if I have her number. I guess her organisation is not on the web yet. I want people like her to respond to me please.
Ibinabo,
Jos, Nigeria.
My advice to Ibinabo
Important: In your response, kindly quote the title of the story, your email and city/country of residence. |
Hello Ibinabo,
I don't think you have any problems. The only problem you could have is when the young men who could like to marry you find out that you are paying more attention to the children than them. Secondly, not minding the two children, make yourself available in the circle of bachelors. You also need to pray hard. Its only God who could connect you.
Hiebson Totty
(Overcomers Magazine, Lagos)
Dear Ibinabo,
My response
Pastor Tinu Odugbemi
Headhigh International,
Lagos Nigeria.
Hello editor,
Ibinabo's story is very touching. I suppose there must be some organisations attending to widows in Africa. Please let me know if there are none so we know how to help her from here in the US. Many young men will opt for you. At the moment, we have many American widowers on our list. I hope you are serious about remarrying.
Yolanda Summer,
Idaho, USA.
Hello Ibi,
At 25, you are certainly too young to remain single for life. God will direct your steps. Here in Ontario, there are bachelors who will go for you. Can you relocate here? I feel for ya.
Marta Belafonte,
Ontario, Canada.
More response to Ibinabo.
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QUESTION 5.
My wife's past is haunting my marriage.
I am encourage by the response of you Christians to the challenges posted here. When I read Pastor Tinu Odugbemi's response, I now know that this page is real. I hope she would find time to respond to me too. My wife's past is haunting my marriage.
We have done what we call introduction and engagement. We are only waiting for enough cash to finish up the marriage process. We are living together and I don't think that is wrong. We have the blessings of our pastor.
The problem is each time I go to the Church, one of the principal Church functionaries always deride me in public that he has once gone out with my wife and indeed enjoyed sleeping with her. I have noticed that the man and my wife do joke always but I never read any meanings to this until the rumour mill filtered to me and in deed the man mentioned it arrogantly in a gathering where I was seated. That day, I felt like the ground should swallow me up. I had thought this shame would stop there but the man continued and in public my wife admitted that "yes, she went out with him and they slept together..so what?"The matter has become a topic in my Church. I am a known Church worker and people are now pointing/laughing at me. I never knew this detail about my wife. The disclosure and it aftermath is hurting me bad. I don't want to leave the Church because God has done so much for me through the pastor. But I don't want to see my wife again. I don't want to see the man again because he is lousy with it and nobody could control him in the Church. I am set to revoke all my commitments to this lady. I have removed the ring because I curse the day I met her. I have not been able to think clearly since them. Please, Christians, help me.
Yours in Christ,
Michael, Lagos.
My advice to Michael
Important: In your response, kindly quote the title of the story, your email and city/country of residence.
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Hello Michael,
I had to pray before I write this to you. I know how a man would feel about this. It is not easy for me to say leave the lady or leave the Church. I can imaging the motion picture that will be bombarding you each time you see your wife or the man. Certainly you will be tempted to do away with her. But wait, read my story:
I found out after 4 years of marriage and two kids in the kitty that my wife had lived with another man for 5 years. The man turned out to be my randy boss! My boss had told me all about a lady who aborted four times for him, who prefers to suck him to having s-x, whom he ejaculates into her mouth, etc. The woman turned out to be my wife.
I must confess that since that discovery during our 2004 end of the year party where they met again, I have stopped kissing her. She often irritates me. But I have raised prayer warriors in my Church to pray for me. Ive sent a prayer request to this magazine too. My brother, what will I do? Divorce? No. Anger? yes but Christ will heal our wounds. The moral message her is women must be careful.
Pastor Effiong.
C Rivers State. Hello Michael,
Are you a Christian at all? Are you telling me that the woman is staying with you and you people have not done the white wedding? You need to check yourself first. Did you not know she had affairs before you people did the traditional marriage? Where is the place of the Holy Spirit in your life if you have accepted Christ? Check yourself mister and know this if you love her you will stand for her any time and anywhere and discuss the issues later when you are alone.
Lizzy.
More response to Michael
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