I thank the owners of this website for this facility. May the Lord bless them.
I have been praying for long on how to write this mail without taking much time and space because when I think of my challenges, its like I will have to write 100 pages.
When my father was ‘alive', he once told me that when he was young in his village, and that was around the late 1930's and early 1940's, someone looked at his palm and told him that people like him never work with their hands and gather money. My father was forced to tell me this after a lot of agony we were going through in our family when we children were very young.
My Father had lots of challenges when he was young. He lost his mother when he was in Primary 4. His father (our grand pa) had two, three wives. The third wife was another man's wife which he impregnated. The child resulting from that incest looks like him but claims another father. I met the man once when I was young but he had distaste for us and his biological father.
My dad never wanted us to have anything to do with his family. He knew them well. But my mother was always saying how could we have a mother's house without having fathers house? And if she yielded to our fathers wish, very soon, people would say she was the one telling him not to allow us interact with his family. When we were young and my mother took us to our father's home town, the kind of problems, fight, bickering we saw were terrible.
Mother tried to unite us with dad's extended family; still, they proved their colours. At a stage, when I was in secondary school, we children resolved to steer clear of the family. Dad was very educated. My mother was tailor but they gave us children the best education. We are all graduates. At a stage, my father got missing. It's over 10 years now that we have not seen him. For upward of five years after he got missing, my mum did the impossible to find him. Where did she not get to? It's a stigma on her, even on us children. It was a terrible blow. Our people will say, my child is dead is better than my child is lost.
When grand pa died, how he died, none of us knew. His two children, my dad, and another child were not successful. Since we were young, we saw that the two of them don't even see face to face. The family house, on which there was so much bickering, we learnt, has collapsed. We heard that grand pa and his wife were buried by the community. I heard all these because these days, I began to ask questions about where I come from.
The problem now is we children are not finding it easy in life. It's been from one struggle to the other. Even my younger brother who is abroad is not finding it easy. I am well over 40. I'm still eating from hand to mouth though when people see me outside, it's like I'm so rich. I don't look dirty or hungry, same with my wife and children. But I know where the fire is burning me. If I don't exhaust one profit, I don't get another. I am well read, handsome and popular wherever I am. People recognised me easily in any gathering I find myself. They think I'm big. But I know the truth about myself. When I go out to clients, they think I have a jeep outside, and I act it. But it's a lie. My business has to do with the gospel but I am not making breakthrough the way I should.
My fears are these: Am I operating under a curse? I have heard of so many people going for deliverance, do I need it? Where can I go? Who do you know who could do it for me? I used to pray well b4, but these days, because of fear of how will I make it in life, my intensity has dropped. I'm so wearied. I sleep in fear of when will my breakthrough come. I wake in fear of when will my breakthrough come. I am not lazy. I know I work so hard. Madam, I WORK SO HARD EVERYDAY. But I eat like an ant.
People around me keep telling me that a man who does not know where and how his mates make it in life will die running. I'm a Pentecostal Christian. A deacon and a departmental coordinator. But one of the few deacons without a car. I'm being tempted to consult some Baba at the white garment Churches, though deep down in me, my soul and body rejects it. I hate things like praying at the beaches. Oh, I hate such things. But I've seen people that its works for. I am 43, less than 7 years to 50. Naturally, the body is getting weaker daily. I trust God but when will my trust yield dividends?
Madam, help me. I don't want to die in poverty. What principles am I overlooking?
Thank you ma.
God bless you and the makers of this website.
AOKOA. (My Initials)
