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* Hostages
Driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? the man responded "Militants have kidnapped, OBJ, IBB, Atiku, Buhari, Tony Anenih, Ahmadu Ali, Dariye, Nnamani, Odili, Ibrahim Mantu, Tinubu, Kalu, Ibori and Igbinedion. They're asking for a $500 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. So, we're going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asks, "How much is everyone contributing, on the average?" the man responded "About a litre of petrol and a stick of matches."
* Wives
(1) Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
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2) Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying... and the other ensures you Continue to do so.
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3) Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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4) Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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5) Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy : It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl : Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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6) Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom : Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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7) A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU the FORTUNE"
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8) Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son : "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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9) Interviewer to Millionaire : To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire : "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer : "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire : "Billionaire"
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10) Girl to her boyfriend : One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies : Thanks for the warning. hahahahaha
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11) A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor
Deborah
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