Abuse is common in ministry and in the last couple of years, immoral tendencies are gaining ascendancy in many CChurches and ministries. One abuse that is very common and widespread is sex abuse. Many leaders are sexually abusive and exploiting those under their leadership.
Several years ago, a pastor taught his members that if they want to be holy, they should simply sleep with the man of God and whatever comes from his body will automatically enable them to live a holy life. The result? He slept with 30 of the women within few weeks! The Church suffered downward spiral and is yet to recover after more than 20 years. What an erroneous teaching!
There is also the story of a prominent preacher who was messing around with one of his Secretaries for years. He aborted several pregnancies for her until the secret was blown open by her confession to a senior man of God. After the usual round of denials, the deed was acknowledged years later. But by then, over 68 CChurches have broken away and many Pastors have been lost.
Almost everyday, the print and electronic media reports one form of sexual abuse or the other by leaders. Sexual abuse in ministry occurs when leaders sexually take advantage of their followers, either by consent or not. Sexual abuse is when leaders use their privileged position to woo and have sex with their secretaries, workers, staff and members. Sometimes they promise money, position, promotion and heavenly reward to such victim of their sexual escapades!.
It is an incontestable fact that most leaders in our society are sexually immoral. They patronise prostitutes and have flings with those working with them and for them. The more reason many of them don't have stable and happy families.
Our schools are citadel of lust and immorality. Many graduates cannot defend and prove their certificates because they got them by sleeping with their lecturers. Lecturers and head of departments take advantage of their students sexually. This is an open secret today.
Our offices and government parastatals are also sex avenues today. In actual fact, sex is the major topic of discussion in offices and sexual favours are common place. Many women sleep their way to the top and adultery is taken as a pastime.
Our CChurches, of all places, witness immorality sitting in the pews on Sunday. Most girls and boys from age 13 are sexually active. Many married men are messing around and married women are not left out too. Because we live in a sex saturated world, the Church is not left out too.
Premarital and extramarital sex is a fad that is permeating the Church too. Many preachers are tongue-tied about it because they are involved too! Alarmingly, incest has come up strongly in the Church today.
Recently, an altar call was made in a vigil of a popular Pentecostal Church . Ladies who have had or are still having sexual relationship with their fathers were asked to come out for prayer. Surprisingly, over 500 girls came out! And these are daughters of Church leaders, deacons and ministers! May the Lord have mercy!
Furthermore, the youths of a particular Charismatic Church went to a Christian Camp Ground for a vigil. The following morning, used condoms litter the ground of the meeting place!
Sexual Abuse by Leaders
More importantly, ‘immorality' is preaching from the pulpit and doing ministrations from the altar, week in, week out. It is nauseating today that many Church leaders are into sexual abuse and perversion. The world was shocked last year to discover that American leading evangelical, Ted Haggard, had been a homosexual for three years, while he still travelled the whole world purportedly preaching the gospel. So also, David Smith, 52, a priest and vicar in The Church of England was recently convicted and jailed for five and half years for sexual abuse on six teenage boys under his care. He started this abuse in September 1976 when he was a Housemaster at a Berkshire Preparatory School before he became a Priest in 1979 and this continued till May 2005 when the lid was blown open.
Back home here in Nigeria , about 200 pastors were in a particular mountain to pray and seek the face of God. A preacher was invited to preach and he gave a strange altar call; those who are sleeping or have slept with their daughters should come out for repentance and prayer. Over 100 pastors came out confessing and praying! What a tragedy in leadership! These stories are true and accurate, not a figment of my imagination.
The following statistics about pastors are quite revealing and saddening:
* 1,500 pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure
* 20% say they have had extramarital affairs
* 40% say they are often tempted sexually
* 20% say they have inappropriate sexual behaviour
* 17% say they have slept with someone other than their wives.
* Only 5.5% are living right, Amazing!
These are staggering statistics that are realistic today. It is common knowledge that many pastors and bishops have children out of wedlock. In some circle of Church leaders, sleeping around with female or male members is no longer a big deal. Actually, a ‘man of God' and a ‘woman of God' can and do sleep with each other on regular basis so that they can combine anointing together to make the work progress! What an abomination!!
A certain lady told my Registrar in the office that she had been to many CChurches and slept with so many men of God. And that what amazes her is that those men of God still seem to preach powerfully after sleeping with her!
All these and many more have led to bad image, loss of honour, disrespect and shame for those in position of leadership in the Church. Many leaders have become a laughing stock because of these pervasions. CChurches have broken away, Christians have backslidden, ministries have collapsed and many promising future are alarmingly ruined as a result of these sexual abuses.
How leaders fall into sexual abuse
A stunningly beautiful lady with two kids visited a Church for the first time. She pretended to be born again and requested to see the pastor for marital counselling. She told the story of lack of love, care and concern by her husband. The pastor was sympathetic and tried to wipe away her tears by placing his hand round her shoulder. In the course of doing that, he was sexually aroused. More counselling sessions and more frequent visit to the Church, and before you can say Jack Robinson, the pastor divorced his wife and eloped with the young mother of two kids.
Another Bishop was a guest speaker in a Church for some few days of indoor meetings. He was lodged in a Guest House owned by the Church. Some women were assigned to be doing the cooking for the guest minister. On the third day, the host pastor paid an unscheduled visit to the Guest House. Behold, the bishop was caught pant down having sex with one of the women doing his cookings. The woman later confessed that she was doing the afternoon duty, while someone did overnight and another one did morning duty! What a sacrilege!
It has been discovered that sexual abuse by leaders usually follow some discernible patterns. It goes something like this:
# An undisciplined and uncontrollable sexual life
# Unsatisfactory sexual life in marriage
# Lust and immorality in thought and heart
# Counselling sessions with someone who arouses you sexually
# Body tension and inward fire towards a particular member
# Expression of interest, lust and affairs
# Denials, concealment and cover up
# Discovery, shame and loss of name and work.
Unfortunately, many leaders have fallen prey to these tactics of the enemy. Ministers and leaders who move from meetings to meetings, travelling up and down ministering to people need to sit down to re-fuel and reload, else when they meet with a seducer or temptress, they will have no strength to resist and down they go.
It needs to be stated that most sexual abuse starts from within. “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth any man. But every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin; when it is finished bringeth forth death” (James 1:13-15).
Once lust have gotten an inward hold on you, it is sure you will fall into sexual abuse as a leader.
Why Sexual Abuse is Common With Leaders
Permit me to enumerate factors that are responsible for the widespread of sexual abuse among leaders. This is not to justify the evil practise, but to warn and enlighten leaders who want to be free and remain free.
1. Smite the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter
This is the eternal principle of Satan. He always goes for the leader, knowing that once the leader is corrupted, the work will be destroyed. He therefore works to make leaders fall through sexual sins. Sexual abuse is the most insidious sin a leader can commit and the work will get destroyed from the foundation.
I remember the story of a pastor who slept with both mother and daughter. The mother confessed to the whole Church through the ploy of wanting to give testimony. The whole Church scattered and the building had to be sold to another Church and the pastor had to run away to another country for many years. Another Pastor in Lagos had the habit of romancing and sexually abusing his members in his office. When the secret blew open, his international Church reduced from 600 to less than 100 people.
2. To Destroy a Promising and Bright Future
Somehow, the devil and his cohorts are aware of the promising future of an up and coming young Christian man or woman. One of the most frequent ways to ruin such future is through the provision of free women and sex. Remember Joseph. His master's wife spoke to him everyday for a long time. Thank God he refused, else he would have ruined his future.
“And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me. But he refused, and said unto his master's wife, Behold, my master worteth not what is with me in the house, and he hath committed all that he hath to my hand; There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God? And it came to pass, as she spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her. And it came to pass about this time, that Joseph went into the house to do his business; and there was none of the men of the house there within. And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out” (Gen. 39:7-12).
A young evangelist in a University Campus was not as wise as Joseph. He was destined to be great. His preaching were anointed and everybody knew that the hand of God was upon him. Unfortunately, the devil also knew and he sent ladies to swam around him. Before you knew it, he had fallen, never to rise again to fulfill his promised future.
3. Leaders are more Tempted
More than anybody or anyone else, leaders are being tempted more often. People confide in leaders. Women offered themselves to leaders. Sometimes, leaders are seen as angels and women are ready to expose their nakedness in the name of being free with their leader and father in the Lord. All these are great temptation to leaders.
Quite sadly that many leaders have fallen prey to these temptations and sexual abuse has been the outcome.
The story is told of a particular rich lady who bought gifts and vehicles for a particular Church and the pastor. One day she sent for the pastor to come to her house around 9.30 pm. After cooking a delicious meal for him, she knelt down and said “I have given much to this Church but now I want to give my whole body to you as a living sacrifice just as Romans. 12:1 says” . Of course, the end result was sexual relationship and the Church went down and the pastor lost his ministry.
4. Uncooked and Half-baked Leaders
When leaders are not seasoned, thoroughly cooked and prepared by the Lord, the end result will be sexual abuse. When we don't allow God to deal with the weak areas of our lives, the outcome will be the buffeting of Satan in this area. When we place carnal and ungodly men in sensitive and pressure - prone leadership positions, they will mess up and ruin the work. When you as a leader don't develop and seek for purity in your sexual life, there is no way you'll not take advantage of the women under your leadership.
5. Immoral and Indiscipline Leaders
Leaders that do not have disciplined sexual and marital lives should not be placed over the Church and work of God. Ministers that can't control their emotions, feelings and sexual urges, should not near the altar for God. But that is the case today. A pastor was transferred to a Church and just in the space of few months, he slept with over 13 women. What kind of a pastor is that?
True leaders must live by the injunctions of Paul in Romans 13:14 “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof”
6. To Turn People Away From God
Sexual abuse is growing among leaders because the devil wants to destroy the faith of people in leaders and send as many as possible to hell fire. When leaders are corrupted, the faith of the people will be ruined and they will turn away from God. So many people have died renouncing their faith as a result of the fall of their leaders. Many once thriving CChurches have become empty due to the sexual laxity of the leaders.
There was a Church that every pastor that was transferred there must fall into the sin of immorality. Eventually six pastors fell, the youths then became desperate to seek the face of God. They were told by the Lord that the Overseer that laid the foundation of the Church did it while living in adultery and no pastor will succeed there unless they relayed a new foundation in the name of the Lord.
This they did in conjunction with the elders and the sin stopped, and pastors no longer fell into this shameful sin. But then, so many lives have been lost and future ruined.
7. To Render Incapable Again
Sexual laxity is one of the great landmines of ministry. It has blown many away and rendered them incapacitated. Many wounded soldiers abound in the vineyard of the Lord through this sin alone. The devil has succeeded in this venture so much that every serious leader must beware today. I know of many great preachers, evangelists, prophets, pastors and bishops whose sun set at noon and they are now mere shadows of themselves through this horrible sin.
Freedom for Leaders
To be free from sexual abuse in ministry, sincere leaders must take note of these points:
1. Be honest with yourself in this area
How strong or weak are you? Can people trust you with their daughters and wives?
2. Repent of any known lust
Once you don't repent and get free from lust, you'll be in its grip as long as you live
3. Determine to live a pure life
The grace of God is sufficient to enable you live a pure life
4. Take measures against sexual abuse
You'll be learning all that in the rest part of this book.
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