More Respose to Michael
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Hello Michael,
Greetings in the Lord and many blessings.
Your story touched me because I have undergone a similar experience in the past, though not in a Church environment.
I feel moved to respond to this statement you made. “One of the principal Church functionaries always deride me in public that he has once gone out with wife and indeed enjoyed sleeping with her.'
This statement grieves my spirit. How can a Church worker speak like that? This prompts the questions:
* What kind of a Church are you attending that such a man can attain such a status?
* Did your wife and that man did the sleeping while they were in the Church and that man still performing his Church function?
* Have you discussed this with your pastor and if so what is he doing about it?
* Why are Christians carrying rumours?
* And lastly why didn't you find some comments on the woman you were going to marry?
I usually like using a few passages in my response but this time I will let some body else quote the scriptures and tell you this in lay man's terms. If you don't love her enough to endure ridicule for her then why unite with her?
You are supposed to love your wife as Jesus loved the Church. You must remember that He let himself be spat on, mocked, stripped, flogged and dragged to be crucified for the Church (the same one you people seem to be mocking by pointing/laughing and dwelling on old things and no one bearing fruit in keeping with repentance).
Is there love in her exposing you to such ridicule? At least she should have hinted you that she did such a thing with that person in the past when she was in sin. And now that she's a new creature in Christ Jesus, you can't condemn her. But for my wife to admit in public that "yes, I went out with him and they slept together.. so what?" That's bad brother, real bad.
If she's joining the public to ridicule you, then her love for you is suspect. A house divided against itself shall not stand. I don't care what happened in the past, the point is she's a married woman and your wife and no one should be saying those things about her and she shouldn't be supporting/condoning it.
My advice is that you should talk to that brother in front of a pastor and ask the Holy Spirit to help you forgive him. If he doesn't stop after all that, God will deal with him and if the pastor knows this and hasn't stepped in, then God will have a chat with him as well.
God loves marriage, what God has put together, let no man put asunder. Now you are tempted to call it off. The bible says temptation will come, but woe to he who brings it. If that brother is doing the devils work, then he will be handed over to his master to be rewarded. I want you to clear your conscience so you can come before God with a clean heart. I also want you to forgive the girl. You don't have to marry her anymore if you don't want to, but forgive her because everyone has a past.
If you still love her, make sure you explain how this has affected you and then ask her if she understands your point of view and if she loves you and still wants to get married. If so then I am sure you can get this behind you and be ok together.
Whatever happens, don't let this make you bitter or angry, because those aren't the fruits of the spirit. God wants you to be beautiful in spite of the injustices and not to lift a hand or open your mouth in defense of yourself because He will vindicate you completely, more than you could do yourself.
Lastly brother, pray, rejoice and again I say rejoice. Give glory to God even in the face of this and ask the Father to strengthen you and enable you to show yourself a workman approved by the Lord. You are being tested by fire, so stand firm.
Farouk Asuni,
The Hague, The Netherlands.


Hello Mr. Michael,
I would advice you to forgive her past if she has repented from it. Remember that you also have your past which has not been uncovered. God forgave us all out of love and so if you love her, you should also forgive her.
Amarachi Okoroafor.
okograce@yahoo.co.uk

Michael,
We live in an imperfect world and among men of unclean lips. When life is lived outside of Christ, sin abounds and sin always has consequences. As said by another Pastor, this is a matter for your own pastor. If the man is disrespecting you and in fact he is boasting about sin, then he needs to be corrected. As he holds position in the Church, I presume he has a wife and children of his own. How do they feel?. As regards your own heart, be assurred that even though we would all love to have been the first with our wives, few have this privilegde due to the rampant sin nature in the world. However if your wife is born again, then she is a new creature in Christ and you must pray that you see her with Christs eyes. I feel deeply for your pain and pray God gives you wisdom.
Pastor Paul Carley,
Ireland.