Your parents, your friends and even your work colleague can see it, but you have no doubt of his integrity. He didn't ask you for a date during weekends or even gives you a call. And you tell yourself, he just busy and maybe don't have free time for both of you, or maybe he will come tomorrow. But, does he? You're alone, you have friends, but you feel hesitate to call them, wondering he might be asking you out anytime. Night comes and you didn't even see his shadow neither a simple phone call.
“If he really care, he'd be there now,” sounds your closes friends. And suddenly you wake-up from a very long dream and realize your friend is right. He's making do with you. Why put up with it? Because when he's there, it's fabulous – he's witty, kind, generous and interesting.
But, it's when he there. And it has only been a few months. And that was the best moment when you can't wait to see each other again and felt like this universe is yours. “You need to be number one. That's the whole point. If you aren't his priority now, it's unlikely you ever will be,” says couples counselor Denise Knowles. Some men aren't ready to take full responsibilities, but they're not adverse to a bit of fun in the meantime. They need someone to hold their hand until they're sure of themselves again.
This type of transitional relationships can be potent because the times you spend together are intense. The sex is divine. The meager love drops addictive. You maybe become his “ princess” when he's ready and to make sure his love is yours, you have to be patient. However, being a transitional woman, you might get hurt because you're the transport from one part of his life to another. And when he's ready to catch his life back and get over all his problems, he'll say thanks a lot and take your love lessons elsewhere. Here are the signs that show you might be stuck on a love train to nowhere. And if you tick three or more, get your own train home.
- He never spent the whole weekend with you. And sometimes, he just disappears during weekends. Does it weird? He only met you twice or less a week and if it's more than that, it's you who insists him to meet you. Pity you! For your information, men in love, or even lust, don't act this way. Their hormones won't allow them to hurt the one they're falling into.
- He doesn't want to introduce you to his family. And the reason is he's not ready for it or it's not the right time. Or he never plans it at all. You can see when he talks to his family on phone; he won't say anything about you. So, next time when you asking for something more on the relationship he'll use it as device to say: “This far, no further.” He's saying he is capable of intimacy, but he doesn't want this with you. Otherwise you meet them. Sounds cruel?
- He not interested to get know your friends. When you plan to hang out with some friends, he quickly says that he's busy. And when your birthday is come and you planning to have a simple party with your closet friends, he says he got another invitation that night and might not stay long. There's always excuse to avoid meeting your friends, so next time he don't have to face them when things goes wrong. So, you know all this while he had never taken you seriously and never would. Quit smart don't you?
- He doesn't care if you're not around. You think he might get worry, jealous, suspicious or missing you when you're not around, but it's been a week you going for outstation and he never gives you a call even to say hello. He's just relieved you won't be around full time. And you get back, you won't believe when he says don't have time to call you and his face showing not even a little bit worried or missing you. It's better being alone rather than having someone who not appreciate and care about you.
- You're not his priority. When it comes to who is more important in his life? You, his parents or his friends, of course you at the end of the list. It's Ok if his parents at the top of you, but how about when you're less important than his friends? After three months of the relationship, if he's really in love, he must hate staying apart with you even for a week. He already makes a promise to watch movie with you this weekend but suddenly he cancel a date because his friends invite him for diving activities. And he telling you by phone without felt guilty or even says sorry. Are you going to cry for a man who treats you like a door-mate?
- He never shows that he love you. You do everything for him, plays your role as your girlfriend and you happy doing it. But he never plays his role as your boyfriend even to win your heart. You buy birthday present and create a birthday card for him but he never do anything for you even buy flowers for valentine's day or buy you some chocolates or perfume on your special day. He's just being mean. Why don't just tell you, he doesn't love you and he's not interested to please you? What a hypocrite?
- He never had been there whenever you need him. Your close friend wonder why you always looking for her when you need help for something which you can ask your boyfriend to be. Go for jogging, having lunch/dinner, watching movies or even spend a bored weekend with you. It's nonsense! And when your friend asking you, he's busy! The only answer you can give to her and then, you going back home and cry. But what you can do about that? What else? Leave him!
- Your friends never approve him. In the other words, they do not like you couple with him; because they know he doesn't love you and he never treats you like his girlfriend. And you also don't encourage friends to meet him because you know they'll angry at how he kept letting you down in front of them. Can you boast to friends how good he is to you or would you be desperately defending your half-loaf man? Even though you were infatuated, please think how long you want to waste your time into someone who never makes you happy.
- He introduces you as his friend/work colleague when meeting his parents. He insists you sleep separately out of respect to them. How do you feel when guy you think in love with you don't want to declare you as his girlfriend to his parents? He just didn't want his parents reading too much into his relationship with you because he didn't read too much into it. Men are simple creatures. When they're in love, they skywrite it with their eyes. You know if he only wanted a make-do-for-now relationship.
- You're lying to yourself. Sounds familiar? You telling your friends how busy he is, what a full life he has away from you and how great it is not to be crowded, to have a man who likes his space. Well, is it just excuses? You can lie to your friends, your parents, lie to the world, but never ever lie to yourself.
- He didn't bring you to family functions. His brother is getting married but the invitation card doesn't include your name there. Means, you're not invited. In the other words, he doesn't want you to take the relationship seriously. He wants intimacy, but he just can't face all the relatives' questions, maybe. Or he just afraid to think again for another serious relationship.
He never had been there whenever you need him. Your close friend wonder why you always looking for her when you need help for something which you can ask your boyfriend to be. Go for jogging, having lunch/dinner, watching movies or even spend a bored weekend with you. It's nonsense! And when your friend asking you, he's busy!
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He insists on keeping the relationship low-key. He called you at night and arrange for secret meeting. It's felt romantic and surprised at first but after a few months later, you felt tired with games of hide and seek. It just likes doing something wrong when your relationship grown up without others knowledge and just happen between both of you. Does it normal to you? He was been through failed marriage before and now terrified of getting hurt again. It's not fair. It's not you who caused to his broken heart and you deserve someone normal to love you normally.
- He never plans something for you or gives a surprise. It's disappointed when every weekend or special day you often keep waiting for his phone call asking you out or waiting for him to send you flowers. He's keeping his options open. And men in love don't do this.
- He wanted intimacy without proximity. What does it mean? He wants to be with you, he's cool when you're together but to live together or stay in one roof with you, not yet. Whatever your reasons to move in with him, he has more reasons than you to dodge you stay with him even it's for you both good.
- Has he said he loves you yet? There's must be something wrong when he never say those three magic words which every men keenly to speak out when they're in love. He hasn't even said he likes you, though you assume he must. You've been together for almost five to six month but you still not sure who are you to him exactly. Declarations of love might be take time sometimes, but don't you think at least after a few weeks you've been that close to him, you should had have something? Maybe it's too soon to be soul mates, perhaps, but if this is going anyway, you're entitle to at least one, “I miss you” after a couple of days apart. Don't you think?
- He never walks you home. What kind of guy who doesn't want to protect someone he loves? You've great dates together and enjoy the walk way back home but yours if far more than him. And you always hope for him to offer himself to walk you at least to the nearest stop to your house. But he didn't – it's always a chaste kiss goodbye after which he says, “Hope you get home safely,” and disappears. He scared or he just doesn't care? Men worth seeing make sure you get home safely. He bring you out, he should know he responsible to bring you back safely.
- He still sees his ex-girlfriend. He keeps seeing even you don't like it. Does he care about how you feel? For sure, he still can't let go his past, so how he can make much future with you? Wasn't it irritating you? Of course, he's not hundred percent yours. Be with man who still live in his part is dangerous – it might get you hurt one day.
- After being together for a few romantic months, he says he just can be your good friends and not more than that. How do you feel when someone you love, guy you've been sleep with suddenly back off and change his mind about the relationship? Nothing is hurt more than have to accept the guy you love to be your friends. Do you really need another friend? Find someone who appreciates all of you.
- Lot of laugh but lack of conversations. How's it going to be? Of course, great. But after a while, you get tired of all the jokes, having to laugh all the time. Nothing wrong with jokes but they aren't conversation. There's a world of difference between being amusing and using humor as a barrier to closeness. Without a good conversation, you and he might be just stuck in the clowns' world.
He often breaks his promise. He always talks about this and that. What a beautiful place to go, how romantic that place for dinner and of course, he says one day he will bring you there. You quit interested and excited with the ideas. Why not? Not always. But it never happens. He gives you hope which he's not sure about. He just wants you to think he also can give all those things if he wants too. But does he really cared?
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