I have learnt that forgiving is one of the hardest things you can ask someone to do. But of course I am not talking forgetting to pick the laundry forgiveness; it's forgiveness that follows a huge and significant hurt from someone you care about. Its hard process because the minute you reach it, you end up with a sense of personal peace that we can't experience when we refuse to let go of a past slight. As a matter of fact depression and stress are results of imagining revenge on people who had hurt you.
At first, to me, the previous sounded like things a shrink would have said but I have experienced that forgiveness can do wonders to your mood and attitude with simple steps:
- God knows how many times I have waited for people to apologize to me, I thought sorry was the ultimate word to me forgiving them. If you are doing the same, stop it now!! This might lead up to clinging anger for years, often at your own expense. As a matter of fact, you are leaving your well being in the hands of someone else so instead recall the incident and the facts then acknowledge your anger, its okay to hurt.
- Waiting for an apology can be a stupid reaction since it's most likely your offender has no idea you are angry or what you are angry about. We forget that even people who love us very much will hurt and sometimes betray us. It doesn't necessarily signal the end of the relationship, he or she might have acted out of ignorance, fear or pain.
- Try to identify your mistakes as well. Most of the time you ignore what has led to the situation and the part you have taken during the process. Odds are you might have been one of the reasons; your offender has hurt you.
- We are all human; therefore there is no way you have come this long without hurting anyone. I know it's a little hard to think about these times when you are angry with anyone but if you can pull yourself to think about the relief you felt when you were forgiven by someone you loved.
- Take the time to realize if your offender deserves a second chance. It's in the human nature to forget good things created by our loved ones when they hurt us. So instead of rushing to reactions, take a moment to think about the good side in the person who hurt you, it makes it easier to forgive them.
- Forgiving is not forgetting as hurt feelings can be still hanging around even when you have forgiven. You may even need to renew the pardon at some point. But letting go of a grudge frees you to move on. Forgiving though makes the hurtful incident not as painful as it used to be.
