Recently, a reader asked: "Am I the Only Horrible Person Out There?" She was 28, married for five years to a "generally great guy." Overall, she said, life was pretty good. Still, she felt compelled to cheat.

I asked women who have cheated to share their stories. Here they are. . . .

Rose: "I'm a 45-year-old single mother, separated two years after a 15-year marriage. I was never unfaithful while my husband and I were together, but after a year alone, I became promiscuous. One affair led to another affair, and now I've cheated on the new boyfriend with another man and my husband. I've lied to everyone, worst of all, to myself.

"In truth, I had some very good times during that year, and in the same situations, I'd still have a very difficult time resisting temptation. But was it worth it? Absolutely not. I feel like pond scum, and I probably could find plenty of people to agree that that's exactly what I am. I've hurt them and feel very guilty, as well I should.

"There are lots of reasons that people cheat. Maybe you wonder if you made the right choice or if your true soul mate is still out there. Or your marriage has become boring and lacking in passion.

"I lived most of my life before this last year as a typical, middle-class mom involved in my kids' school, sports and activities. But I made a lot of big mistakes and lost sight of what's important. Now I need to get my priorities straight, and if that means going back to living like a nun (only without the peace and quiet), then so be it."

Martha: "I cheated because I had something like an emotional tapeworm. You know how people with tapeworms can eat and eat and never be nourished because everything goes to feed the worm? My tapeworm was the fact that I did not know what I had a right to expect from a relationship.

"I always felt like I'd gotten into good things by accident and would be found out as a party crasher and shown the door. I figured whatever there was to grab, I'd grab, and if there was an unpleasant side effect -- such as an abusive or neglectful partner -- so be it. I wanted better, but I didn't believe I deserved better, so whatever I consumed fed the worm instead of me.

"I'm getting help, but I still have a way to go."

Paige: "I've been married for 26 years. I cheated, and I was caught. I could have lost everything, but my husband loved me enough to work things out.

"We went to marriage counseling and are doing well.

"Nobody is immune to being attracted to someone other than his or her spouse.

"There are lots of reasons that people cheat. Maybe you wonder if you made the right choice or if your true soul mate is still out there. Or your marriage has become boring and lacking in passion. Or you need reassurance that you're still attractive to the opposite sex. Or you suffer from low self-esteem and you think an affair will make you feel special.

"When spouses cheat, it's usually not for just one reason, but for many small reasons."

"The repeated failed efforts to find love sent me into a downward cycle of attention-seeking. I turned to whoever showed any interest in me, whether or not he was good for me. The affairs left me demoralized, no better off than when I started.

Jillian: "From my teens to my early 20s, I was insecure and hungry for attention, yet I kept choosing emotionally unavailable guys. As a result, I often felt neglected, and so I cheated.

"I was reliving my dysfunctional relationship with my father. My dad was emotionally unavailable, volatile, aggressive, dismissive and an alcoholic. He made me feel defective and inferior. This was all I knew of relationships with men, so I sought to re-create it, albeit subconsciously. What a colossal waste of time.

"The repeated failed efforts to find love sent me into a downward cycle of attention-seeking. I turned to whoever showed any interest in me, whether or not he was good for me. The affairs left me demoralized, no better off than when I started.

"I hit a point where I knew I needed therapy. I figured out why I was cheating and after a time, I felt better about myself, and started making better choices. I didn't feel the urge or need to cheat anymore. It was a huge relief. The hurt I caused was never worth the few fleeting moments of gratification I got from the infidelities, and the guilt I felt was unparalleled."

How do you get past a cheating spouse? Or don't you? Send your tale, along with your relationship questions and problems, to cheryllavin@aol.com or Cheryl Lavin, Tales From the Front, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Please include day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part and become the property of the column. Read Tales From the Front Monday, Wednesday and Friday in Tempo.