Constructing a building requires careful preparation. Before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and plans drawn up. However, something more is vital. Jesus said, “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost whether he has sufficient to finish it?” Luke 14:28. What is true of constructing a building also applies to constructing a successful marriage. Many said I want to get married.” But how many stop to consider the cost? While the bible speaks favourably of marriage, it also draws attention to the challenges that marriage presents (Pro.18:22; 1Cor. 7:28). Therefore, the spinster contemplating marriage need to have a realistic view of both the blessings and the cost of being married. The ten questions drawn below are a sort of guideline to the spinster and if she answers them in the affirmative, she can boldly go ahead and pick the man of her choice.


1. Am I ready for marriage?
Getting married seems challenging enough but maintaining a marital relationship year after year must also be considered. It requires wholehearted commitment. Gene. 2:24. If you are not ready for this solemn commitment, then you are not ready. Deut. 23:21; Eccl. 5:4-5.

2. Am I matured for marriage?
Living up to marital commitment requires maturity. Thus, Paul counsels that Christians do better not to marry until they are “past the bloom of youth”. So, don’t rush into marriage because “your friends are getting married or because of parental pressure”.

3. Do you realise marriage is a lifelong decision?
God’s plan for a couple is to live together as man and wife. Choice of a marriage partner is the foundation of every home and once that choice is made, you cannot dismiss your partner at will. A simple, careless mistake may lead to a lifelong regret so prayerfully search for the partner with which you will live happily ever after.


4. Can you take responsibility for your decision?
Once the decision to get married has been made, there is no looking back so to say. In the course of the marriage, under any circumstance, will you be able to show him off to your family and friends, and not deny him, come what may? You must be able to take responsibility for your decision in picking your partner.

5. Do I know myself?
A spinster when asked to appraise herself will in most cases shower herself with encomiums, for getting her negative qualities. Stop to ask yourself, “What traits do I have that will not contribute to a successful marriage? What type of wife will I be? Will I freely admit my mistakes and accept advice or am I always on the defensive when corrected ? Am I generally cheerful and optimistic or do I tend to be gloomy, frequently complaining?”
Prov. 8:33.
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6. What do I look for in a mate?
Before picking a partner, you must have some qualities you expect in the man. You cannot just settle for any man because of your desire to get married.
A spinster might ask, “What kind of family does he come from? Who are his friends? Does he display self-control? How does he treat elderly people? Is he violent? Does he drink or smoke? How does he handle money? And above all, is he a born-again Christian? Lev. 19:32; Prov. 22:29; 31:23; 1Tim. 5:8; 6:10; Tit. 2:6-7.

7. Would I be able to cope with his idiosyncrasies?
The spinster should not forget that she will be dealing with an imperfect descendant of Adam and some idealized hero out of a romantic novel. Everyone has shortcomings and some of these have to be overlooked. Rom. 3:23; Acts 15:39. Would you be able to cope with his snoring habit, his untidy nature or his insensitivity to issues concerning you or your family?

8. Can I keep courtship honourable?
How can you keep courtship honourable? The period of courtship is when the man and woman get to know each other before thinking of marriage. In the Christian perspective, during courtship, sex and open display of affection like kissing is not allowed. A spirit-filled spinster must be able to keep the
period of courtship morally clean, giving evidence of self-control. She must be able to withstand pressures from family, friends and possibly the prospective partner by abstaining from uncleanliness and fornication. Gal. 5:19-21; Eph.4:18-19.
 
9. Will you be able to live a life of total submission?
You must know that once you get married, you are answerable to your partner totally. You must be emotionally prepared to live a life of total submission to your partner even if you are more successful than him. You must see him as the “head” and obey his authority. You must also submit yourself totally to God and discard all the attitudes and concepts that may hinder your marriage. You must also respect him and his family. Eph. 5:22-24; Col. 3:18; 1Pet. 3:1-2.

10. Will I be able to look beyond the wedding?
Remember that the wedding lasts just one day but the marriage lasts a lifetime. You must avoid concentrating too much on the act of getting married. Instead, you should look up to God for guidance and plan ahead for a life of being married. Then you will have prepared well for a successful marriage.